Page 73 of The Beta: Part One

Chapter 26

Talia

I've been at my brother's house for over two weeks. I was going to go to my parents', but I couldn't bring myself to. I'd never be able to hide the heat spikes I'm still having from my mother and she would smother me with comfort and love and support until I jumped off the roof.

I've cried so much that my eyes are swollen and raw and Bianca, my brother's omega, is clucking around me putting ice packs and cucumber slices on them several times a day. My heart feels like a heavy dead thing in my chest, and I somehow keep feeling my connection to Jasper pulling at me. I want to roll up in his blanket and lay in this borrowed bed until I can finally force myself to stop breathing. I've never felt so wretched and empty in my entire life.

What makes everything so much worse is the actual heat spikes. I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that my mother might be right. Maybe I'm not having them because of my proximity and connection to Jasper. Maybe I'm an omega after all.

Bianca thinks so, as does Daniel and the other alphas in his pack. Bianca flat out told me that if I wasn't basically her sister she wouldn't allow me inside her home because when those spikes hit I smell exactly like an omega. I think I'm in shock, so does Daniel.

Bianca has suggested I start taking heat suppressors until I can pull myself out of this heartbreak. She says that any alpha who isn't a fucking moron with his head up his ass would be after my ass after catching just one whiff of me. The box of suppressors are sitting on the little table beside this bed but I haven't touched them. It won't be real if I don't touch them.

I made everyone swear not to tell my mother until I'm able to accept it myself. I'm still grasping desperately to the idea that it's just some fluke and the spikes will go away, but they're coming more frequently. I'm having them every other day instead of once a week or every few days; and there's no apparent trigger.

I first thought that they were somehow triggered by Jasper, but that's obviously inaccurate. And nothing helps me through them, nothing. My toy doesn't help anymore, my fingers never helped. When I asked Bianca for advice she brought me a toy she has multiples of. It has a goddamned knot on the base. I haven't had the nerve to try to use it yet, though.

Daniel wants me to call Corso, he says Corso would be elated to find that I am flipping my switch to omega and he would slaughter whole populations of people for the chance to take care of me. But I don't want Corso, and as tragic as it is, the mere thought of his hands on me or his cock inside of me brings bile burning up my throat.

It isn't fair to him and he doesn't deserve that reaction, I don't know what's wrong with me. Corso is a good, strong alpha who takes very good care of his pack; I would be lucky to have him doting on me. I just can't stand it, and I know if I tried, it would hurt both of us. Daniel has asked me multiple times if I'm holding out for one of Jasper's alphas to want me, but that isn't it and I can't make him understand that I need Jasper. He can't wrap his head around my need for an omega, he says it's unheard of; and it is. It really is.

If I am truly an omega Jasper would never be able to take care of me on his own, no matter our connection and regardless of our need for one another. Omegas need alphas, they can't survive without them. I'll need alphas, and not his. Despite the crazy amount of shit he talked about wanting to watch me fuck his alphas, that was him talking about a beta playing with his toys and giving them back.

If I'm an actual omega, and I somehow found my way back to his side, I don't know if I could let them touch me like that. I don't think they'd even want to. Some packs do have two omegas, but Jasper's pack doesn't strike me as the type to want that, especially not a female omega.

Would they even be willing to take care of me, or would he have to pressure them into it? No, I can't do that to his pack. And I do think I might really be an omega after all this time, even if I can't quite accept it yet.

If Jasper is the one who triggered my instincts, how will I survive without him? My mother didn't have a heat until she met my fathers, they triggered her cycle, and she says she'd never survive without them. Would it be the same with an omega?

If it is, how could I ask Jasper to leave him for a stand-in alpha to take care of me during a heat? He'd want to go with me, and Devon and the others wouldn't allow it.

I eye the box of suppressants, maybe I can take them when I feel a spike coming on and treat them that way instead of keeping a constant dose in my system. If I keep the suppressants in my system it might really throw me head first into being an omega. I leave my room to find Bianca, but stop dead in the hallway when I see Michael standing at the top of the stairs with his nostrils flared.

I've steered clear of every other alpha in this pack other than my brother, and even though I grew up around them I still feel uneasy.

“Talia, are you well?” Michael asks in his rough voice, looking me over.

“I'm fine,” I say softly, “Do you know where Bianca is? I need to ask her something.”

He points toward the stairs and steps aside.

As I move to slip past he gently touches my elbow, “I don't know what happened to you, but you're Daniel's sister and that makes you our sister as well, I know you're hurting, and I know you need time to heal. I love Bianca, but I don't think she'd do well with another omega here in heat. You smell like you're close, Talia. Talk to Daniel, have him reach out to Corso. He'll take care of you.”

I nod at him and very calmly run down the stairs with a sob clogging my throat.

Bianca is making soup. It smells delicious, and looks like heaven. There's a massive vat of it on the stove, covering two burners. She has five alphas and two betas to take care of and despite the amount of soup there won't be any left over after dinner.

She glances at me when I walk in and points to a stool beside the stove. Her red hair is piled on top of her head and her freckles are standing out on her flushed cheeks as she stirs through the steam coming from the pot.

“I have a question about the suppressants.” I say and she nods.

She tells me to get a spoon and she gives me a creamy spoonful of broth to sample.

“Fuck, B, that's so good. I need the recipe. Jasper would love it.”

She gives me a sad look and I realize what I said.

She shakes it off, though, “You and your brother have such obscene vocabularies. It's Alpha Marcus' fault, he's got the foulest mouth in the world.”

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