Page 78 of The Accidental Wife

Shayla

“Mum,are you sure you feel okay? I can stay longer if you need me?” I argue with my mother, but she shakes her head and waves me off.

“No, honey, I feel fine now, honestly. You’ve run yourself ragged looking after me as well as working this past week. Go home to your husband.” She says while I pull the blanket over her so she stays warm.

“But Mum—”

“Shayla, I’m okay now. Beside’s, I have Sammy to look after me too. Go home.” I look over at Sam, who nods his head, agreeing with her.

“Anything changes, or she starts to feel worse you call me? You understand?” I tell my older brother, and he nods again with a little smile.

“I will, I promise. Mum’s right, you look exhausted Shay, go and get some rest before you get sick too.” He says, ruffling my hair like I was a six-year-old. I slap his hand away and punch his shoulder, scowling at him, and he chuckles.

“Ouch, still got that right hook on you, kid.” He groans, rubbing his arm playfully.

“I was taught by the best.” I shrug and pick up my bag. “Seriously though, Sammy, you call me if anything happens, anything, I mean it,” I demand, and he nods his head.

“I will, Sis, go and get some rest.” I sigh and walk to the front door. I look back at my mother one last time, and I blow a kiss at her.

“I’ll come to see you soon, mama,” She waves at me, smiling tiredly. I walk out of my childhood home and sigh. I worry so much about her when she gets sick. She’s asthmatic, and when she catches the flu or any chest infections, she struggles to breathe on her own without a ventilator.

The doctor did say she was out of the woods, but I can’t help but worry about her. I’ve missed being home with them so much. With everything that’s happened with Cole lately, I needed to get away and clear my head. Since we got back from Nice, things have been weird between us, and I think I’m partly to blame for that. After I saw the way he was looking at Sophie that day and his reaction to seeing her with her fiancé, the love he still holds in his heart for her slapped me back to reality again.

I’m really dreading going back to his apartment and seeing him. It’s come to the point where I’m really struggling to not make my feelings evident to him. Neither of us has spoken about where we stand after we slept together. He didn’t bring it up, and neither did I. I just slap a fake smile on my face and keep telling myself I’m okay just to get through the day, and it's exhausting. Two more weeks and this nightmare will be over.

* * *

As I makemy way to the apartment I wonder if he’s home. I type the code in and push the door open. I hear voices and my name and stop where I was. Was that Josh’s voice? I quietly closed the door and moved to hide behind a pillar where I could see Cole sitting on the sofa talking with Josh.

“Are you going to talk to Sophie and see if you guys can work things out?” Josh questions.

Cole nods, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her in the next couple of days. I just need to sort my head out before I go over there and tell her she’s the one and that I’m still in love with her.” He says and picks up the envelope with our divorce papers. I cover my mouth with my hand to keep quiet.

“Are you going to sign it?” Josh asks, and Cole nods, picking up the pen, he signs it without hesitation before tossing them back on the table.

I back away quietly toward the front door and open it as quietly as I could, and run as fast as my legs would take me. I couldn’t breathe. I walk into the elevator and push the button furiously, panting, trying to catch my breath. I press myself against the wall as the doors slid shut, and you know that moment when your silent sobs just build and build to a point where you can’t catch your breath, and you stop breathing for a second until that painful whimper just rips out of you, and all your emotions hit you all at once. The last time I cried like that was when I found out my Dad had died.

Oh, God, what have I done?

I thought I had prepared myself for this moment, but a part of me, a small part, wanted to believe he would choose me— however silly and baseless as it may have been. I thought he felt something for me too. I can’t blame him, though. It’s my fault. I did this to myself by allowing him to get close enough to hurt me. I got caught up in the emotions and let myself fall in love with him knowing deep down he’s in love with Sophie. Of course, he’s going to end up with her. Cole had his fun with me and got it out of his system, but she’s the girl that gets the guy at the end of the story, and I’m just the girl who helped him get her.

I get into my car and drive to the one person I know who would listen and not ask me any questions. As I drive, I get flashbacks of our moments over the last six months. The night we first met, our first kiss, the day we cooked together in his apartment and laughed ourselves stupid over my dimple fantasy, the night we got locked in his bedroom, everything that happened in Nice, all these stupid moments we shared just hit me all at once.

* * *

I parkup the car and walk in the dark till I see him. I stop and bite my bottom lip. “Hi Daddy,” I whisper, an endless stream of tears rolling down my cheek as I kneel by his grave. “It's been a couple of weeks since I last came and saw you, I know, I’m so sorry.” I bite my bottom lip and wipe away the tears that just kept falling down my face.

“I just, I didn’t know where else to go,” I whine and press my hand to the gravestone with his photo on it. “If I had one wish right now, it would be to have you back, so I could lay my head on your knee and have you stroke my hair till all the pain goes away— because it hurts Daddy, it hurts so much.” I sob uncontrollably.

“I know what you’re going to say, you did this to yourself Peanut, and you’re right, I did. But I couldn’t help it, Daddy. I tried to stop myself, but he somehow wormed his way into my heart.” I sniffle and press my forehead to his cold gravestone. “What do I do, Daddy? Please tell me what to do, because right now I just want to disappear. How am I supposed to go and face the man I love knowing he’s in love with someone else and pretend it's not killing me?” I sob. “Help me please…”

I brush my fingers over his face printed on the gravestone, “Am I really so unlovable? What is wrong with me? Why does everyone find it so easy to just toss me aside and walk away from me? Why can’t I ever be the girl?” I hiccup, shaking my head.

“I’m so mad at myself because I knew this would happen, but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.” I laugh bitterly and wipe away my tears. “I deserve this. I deserve to feel this way because I’m stupid. I should have walked away from him that day, but I couldn’t. I should walk away now, but I can’t because my heart and my pride won’t let me.” I whimper, dejectedly closing my eyes. “Oh, Daddy, what am I going to do?” I felt a chill run down my spine when I lay my head on the dirt and sob until I was all cried out. “I miss you so much,” I admit, my voice breaking. “Thank you for listening to me, and I know you’re probably very disappointed in me and what a mess I’ve made of myself, but near you is the only place I find any sort of comfort.”

I sigh and dry my eyes, “It’s weird, but I can almost hear your voice scolding me as you did when that Danny kid broke my heart when I was fourteen. You raised my head and said, ‘Hey, whose daughter are you? Didn’t I teach you that however hard you may fall, you never let your head drop for anyone—especially over a boy who doesn’t deserve you.’ I live by those words, and I promise you, Dad, I’ll find a way to get through this with my head held high, just like you taught me.” I say, and kiss my fingers before I press them to his gravestone. “I love you, I’ll be back soon, good night, Dad.” With a sigh, I get up and walk back to my car. I didn’t know how I would get through the next two weeks, but I had to somehow. I couldn’t face seeing Cole, not tonight, so I went back to my apartment after driving around and sitting by the river, blankly staring at the city lights before me.

* * *

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