Page 20 of Since Always

But she cut off my pathetic excuses with a snarl. "Well, I hope you liked what you saw."

"Cass, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for what I said about your dad. I just want you to see what you're doing. You're hurting, I know that, but you're gonna throw away your life with so much ahead of you. And for what? Alcohol? Drugs? That douchebag? I've been where you are—trying to numb the pain with anything destructive I could get my hands on. I want better than that for you. Better than some creep who tries to force you to do shit you don't want to when you are drunk and incapacitated."

I narrowed the distance between us and gazed down at her. I was trying not to think about it—the way she had looked the night before. The way my body had responded. I tried to push it all down, into some dark corner of my brain, as though I could just lock it away. As though Pandora's box was not already open.

"Well," she snipped. "Thanks for the advice. You didn't seem to mind, though, did you? How drunk and incapacitated I was? Are you any better than that douchebag, really?"

"I didn't know," I whispered. And even though it was true, she was right—I had no right to watch her. I wasn't better, in fact I was probably worse. A man just shy of twice her age—someone who cared about her. I looked back up to meet her eyes. "I didn't realize you were drunk. Not at first. You looked..." I couldn't say anymore. I didn't even want to think about it. But her eyes narrowed, and there was something about the way she was looking at me.

"I looked what?" she asked with an arched eyebrow, taunting me, as she moved closer. She was doing this on purpose, to hurt me the way I had hurt her. I knew it to be true, because I knew her. I needed to leave.

She used one hand to untie the knot in the robe and let it fall open. I couldn't fight the urge and let my eyes trail down, my breath becoming shallow and ragged.

"This is what you wanted," she said, her voice still cool. "Right? When you watched me? You wanted it to be you."

I swallowed hard.

"Go ahead," she said. "Touch me."

Every single part of my logical brain told me this was wrong. And then she leaned forward and kissed me.

I let out a small groan, and after a moment of hesitation, all my resistance shattered. She was destroying me, crushing me from the inside out. She pulled me back onto the bed on top of her, and I broke. My mouth couldn't get enough. She started grabbing at my clothes, a desperation in her trembling hands, and I reached up to rip my shirt off. I looked down at her, an angel surrounded by the white of the robe which had fallen all the way open now. She raised up, taking it off, and then laid back down, bare in front of me. I took in every inch of her perfection. I leaned forward, trailing kisses down her body, over her breasts, down her stomach.

She stopped me, leaning forward and grabbing me, and then pushing me down on the bed. I watched her as she reached down to undo my belt and got down on her knees in front of me.

I let her do what she was going to do, and it didn't take long before I was being pushed over the edge. Before I knew it, it was over.

There was silence for a moment. The world was still spinning as my body shuddered in tiny aftershocks. I closed my eyes to let myself come back down to Earth. I was readying to pay her back for that, but when I sat up and looked down at her, now sitting on the floor looking up at me, there was a curious look on her face.

"What?" I asked, a smile tugging at my lips. But she looked so serious.

She stood up, grabbing the robe off the bed. "There. That's what you wanted last night, right?"

Wait. What?

I jolted up, terror striking me. "Cass. No, I..." but I didn't know what to say.

Her voice had turned to ice now when she said, "Now, can you go?"

"Cassidy," I said, scrambling to my feet. "I thought this is what you wanted. You kissed me. I thought you wanted to..."

She turned around to face me with tears in her eyes. "I did. I've been in love with you since I was seven years old, Owen. And to you, I've always just been Chris’s little sister. When I saw you last night, saw you looking at me like I was..." She shook her head at the memory, falling silent, letting the rest of the night play out in her mind.

"Cass. Sweetheart," I said, reaching for her, but she recoiled from my touch. It hit me then that this was not someone different. This was still the girl I had always known. The petulant child. She had gotten her feelings hurt the night before, and now she was lashing out to hurt me back.

"Cassidy. Stop this. I said I'm sorry for what I said. You know I am. But I said it because I care about you. And I am sorry, but I also did save you from that douche." I was now getting angrier by the second, hurrying to pull my pants and shirt back on.

"Excuse me?"

"I stopped him last night. What he was going to do to you."

"He wasn't going to do anything I didn't let him do. He's a drunk, but he's harmless. And I can take care of myself. But if it helps you sleep at night to tell yourself there was a reason you stood in my doorway and watched me screw someone..." She trailed off, a smirk on her face.

The anger overtook me.

"Fuck you," I spat.

"Wouldn't you like to," she said.

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