Page 19 of Since Always

I realized my mistake a moment too late. For a second, my hazy brain didn't know how to process it. Unfortunately, my body had already figured it out, and was responding.

They didn't hear me. She was on top, riding him, bracing herself on the headboard in front of her. I could see the perfect curve of her body, the narrow waist, and her long blonde hair. I had never seen her like this—had never even thought of her like this. When had she become this? My mind screamed for me to look away, but I was frozen. And then, suddenly, she pulled off him and turned to reposition herself.

Facing me.

One split-second decision, that's what it all came down to. I had to bolt before she saw me. I couldn't do this, couldn't be here, seeing this. But movement caught her eye, and she looked up.

Our eyes met.

Everything changed.

A flash of initial shock crossed her face, quickly replaced by something else. Something I was both thrilled and horrified to find, like lust. Instead of moving, I stood there, frozen.

I watched as the pleasure took over her, something clicking within her. Something tangible changed. She had been enjoying herself before, but now she lost control.

I couldn't handle it any longer. I needed to get into my room and away from that sight. Needed to relieve the pressure that had built up inside me. I scrambled down the hallway, but paused at my doorway. I don’t know what I was waiting for, but just as I was turning to go in, I heard their voices. It was quiet at first. Then I clearly heard the words that broke me.

"No, Ryan, stop. Please, no."

I was there in a less than a second, standing in the room, taking inventory of the situation. She was now bent over the bed, his hands holding her down. He was lining up to put himself in a place I could only imagine she didn't want him to.

I snapped. Both versions of me—the one who had known her since she was born, and the one who had just watched her with fresh eyes, jumped into action. I dove for him and ripped him away from her, throwing him into the wall. There was no holding back. I knocked the wind out of him and then pinned his neck with my arm.

"You're going to get dressed. I'm going to call you a car and book you the next flight back to Denver. You are going to fucking leave this house, and Cassidy's life, and never speak to her again. Do you hear me?"

"Owen." She was crying behind me now. "It wasn't a big deal. Stop it. You can't make me not see him anymore. You aren't my dad."

"No," I barked, not easing up on my hold of the kid, but turning towards her. "I'm not. And thank God. Thank God he isn't here. Do you have any idea how fucking disappointed he would be in you, Cassidy? How ashamed he would be?"

It was like I had physically slapped her. Like I had knocked all the air out of her. She struggled to take a breath and then crumbled back onto the bed.

"Fuck you.”

It was breaking me to hurt her. But I couldn't stop. I needed her to get it. "Pull it together, Cass. You are too good for this piece of shit. Too good to just get high and drunk, and fuck losers."

I turned back to Ryan. "Clothes. Car. Airport. I'll make the calls. Touch her again and I'll come find you; do you understand me? Do you have any goddamn idea how powerful I am, and how much of a living fucking nightmare I could make your life?"

The kid said nothing.

"Answer me," I growled. "Do you understand?"

He glared at me, but nodded.

I walked out and slammed the door to my room, shutting out her sobs. I couldn't listen to her begging him to stay.

It finally crashed down on me. The hurt in her eyes and the look of absolute horror at the words I said. The words I have regretted every day since. She had needed tough love, and I should have done it before. I should have sat her down and talked to her the way I had planned.

Instead, I had blurted it out in the most vile way I could, and watched her face as it crumbled.

I lay awake all night in agony. My heart was aching, my body still abuzz, despite the complicated emotions. Sometime the next morning, I had worked up the courage to apologize. I had wondered what the hell was happening to me. Since when had I needed to work up the courage to talk to Cass, the girl I had known for the past twenty years? I was feeling too many things all at once. My mind was a complete mess.

The house was quiet when I got up. I knew Cass would still be in bed when I knocked on her bedroom door. To my surprise, she already had a robe wrapped around her. Steam billowed out of the bathroom.

"Go. Away," she snapped, and tried to slam the door. I held my hand up, preventing it from closing. I hated it; the look on her face. The hurt was gone, replaced now by a seething anger. She turned around and headed back towards the bathroom. I stepped into the room.

"So, you just always come into someone else's room without asking? Just like you linger in people's doorways?"

The color drained out of my face. "Your door was left open and I..."

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