Page 36 of Emma
Even that vague message felt like a release. As though Vanessa had offloaded just a fraction of the pain she was carrying. She set her phone down and made her way to the wine rack tucked into the corner of the kitchen. She pulled out a half-full bottle of red, even though she wasn’t in the mood to drink, but a small glass may take the edge off the helplessness churning in her stomach. This day had unravelled so quickly, and it was only four in the afternoon.
Her thoughts turned to school. To Freya. To how Emma was supposed to teach her, knowing what she knew now. How could anyone be expected to bear that? Vanessa had worked in education for years and hadneverencountered anything like this. She doubted many people had. Somehow, she had to protect Emma through all of it. Even if she didn’t know how.
Oh, this is a mess.
Vanessa took a sip of wine and sighed. They’d dealt with so much already. The mastectomy had come with its own agony,but that was different. It had been a battle with clear steps and a plan in place. This was emotional quicksand, and she had no idea where orifsolid ground was close by.
With her glass of wine in one hand and her phone in the other, Vanessa walked into the living room. The same room where Emma had sat in silence for two agonising hours earlier. She listened for any signs of movement upstairs, but nothing came. Vanessa wanted to go to Emma, to wrap her up in her arms and hold her until the ache went away. But she knew Emma needed space. And Vanessa could give her that. She always would.
She settled on the couch, exhaling slowly as she leaned back. Just as her body started to relax, her phone buzzed in her hand. It was Dani. A smile tugged at the corners of Vanessa’s lips as she answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, Vanessa. How’s it going?”
Vanessa narrowed her eyes playfully. “I’m sorry, who is this? You sound a lot like my friend, but I haven’t really seen her in so long that I couldn’tpossiblybe sure.”
“Har-har!”
“I take it the dating is going well since you’re still invisible at work lately?” Vanessa grinned, genuinely hoping the answer was yes.Someonein her life should be happy and carefree right now. It couldn’t all be doom and gloom. “Unless you’ve been avoiding us for other reasons?”
“I would never avoid you. But yes, the dating is going very well.” A dreamy sigh floated down the phone. “Jessie is great. I can’t wait for you and Emma to meet her.”
“And when will that be?” Vanessa asked as she brought her glass of wine to her lips, letting the rich taste linger just a moment longer on her tongue. “Soon, I hope.”
She gazed out of the window, and for a moment, the normalcy of it all was almost enough to make her forget the heaviness pressing down on her.
“Well, that’s why I’m calling. How are you both fixed for this evening? I thought maybe I could get a last-minute reservation in town for the four of us.”
Damn it. The timing couldn’t have been worse. “Tonight isn’t good for us, I’m sorry. But maybe next weekend? I’m almost certain we’re available.”
She hated turning Dani down, especially when her friend was clearly riding a rare high, but there was no way Emma would be up for socialising tonight. Vanessa barely felt up to it herself.
“If Jessie can make next week, then it’s a double date.”
Vanessa exhaled slowly, allowing her body to be swallowed up by the comforting couch. She drew her legs up and settled them on the coffee table. “Great. I think we’ll need a night out by then.”
“Everything okay?” Dani asked, concern laced through her tone.
“Of course. It’s just been a long day.” Vanessa tried to keep her spirits up for the duration of this call, but she feared she was failing. “Hey, while I have you.” She cleared her throat and shifted a little. “Out of interest, have you ever dealt with a situation between a student and a teacher discovering they’re related? The student is in care…foster care, I think.” Vanessa hoped Freya was currently being fostered and not already adopted. At least then, there may be some kind of hope for Emma.
“I…no. That’s a pretty specific issue to have. Why?”
Vanessa shook her head and cast her gaze to the empty space on the couch beside her. A space Emma should have been occupying. She sighed inwardly. “Just a friend of mine who works in a different school. Turns out she has a sibling and knewnothing about it. I was wondering what the protocol was when it came to them teaching said student.”
“Hmm. That’s a difficult one. It’s not something I’ve ever heard of happening before, but I’m sure ithashappened at some point.”
Vanessa lay her head back against the couch cushion and crossed her legs at the ankles. “Tough situation, huh.”
“Tough, yes. But I’m sure it’s manageable, somehow,” Dani said, only marginally putting Vanessa’s mind at ease. “I’d encourage your friend to reach out to the headteacher before anything else. I’m sure there will be something in place for these scenarios. At least, I’d hope so.”
“I’m sure you’re right. I’ll pass on what you’ve said.” As Vanessa spoke, she caught the faint chime of Dani’s doorbell filtering down the line. “I’ll let you go. But find me on Monday during lunch and we’ll catch up, okay?”
“Yeah, that would be nice. Say hi to Emma for me. Bye, Vanessa.”
The line disconnected, and for a moment, Vanessa just sat in the silence of the house. With her thoughts, her feelings, and her worries. She set her glass of wine down on the side table and sniffled. Everything felt so much worse when she was alone. Still, she knew neither of them was alone, and there was no way Emma would ever feel alone in this. Not while Vanessa had anything to say about it. Whatever her wife needed, be it space, comfort, or answers, Vanessa would find a way to give it to her. Nothing less would be good enough.
While Emma appreciatedthat her best friend had shown up without question, all she really wanted was to crawl under thecovers and let the world fade away for a while. Vanessa meant well, Emma knew that, but even love wrapped up in good intentions could feel overwhelming when exhaustion had set in. And it had. Some time ago now.
She could fake it. She’d done it before. She could put on her best smile, crack a few jokes, maybe even play hostess…but tonight, it would be nothing more than an illusion. A lie. Any effort to pretend to be okay was already wearing thin. Her mind hadn’t stopped spiralling from the moment she’d stepped out of her mum’s house.
