Page 37 of Emma
I…have a sister.
That thoughtstillfelt foreign.
Foreign and riddled with guilt.
What must Freya think of her? Would she grow to hate her for the years they’d never had? Would she ask for a transfer just so she didn’t have to see the sister who had failed her before even knowing she existed? Those questions looped in Emma’s head on repeat. Her shower hadn’t cleansedanything. It had only made the silence louder.
“Emma?”
She blinked a few times until her surroundings snapped back into focus. She turned to Lauren, noting the look of concern in her eyes. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I asked what’s going on. Mum texted me to say you needed me.”
Emma hesitated. Her mouth opened, then closed again. Whatdidshe need? A solution? A hug? To scream until she felt empty inside? “I um…” She frowned as she paused. “I found out this week that I have a sister. Full-blown sibling. Same parents.”
“W-what?” Lauren’s eyes widened. It was the same stunned expression Vanessa had worn just days ago. “How? When?”
“One of my students,” Emma said as she swallowed down her emotions. She was fed up with crying now. “Which makes it even more awkward.”
“Oh,shit!” Lauren winced, but Emma understood. There weren’t many other reactions to news this huge. “What the hell are you going to do?”
Emma let out a low, pathetic laugh. “Other than fall apart for a while, I have no idea. That poor kid just walked up to me and told me she was my sister. I obviously denied it because I couldn’t believe it was true, but I tracked down my mum this morning and we went there. She confirmed it, and now my head is up my arse. I don’t know what to do about anything.” She cast her gaze on her hands in her lap and swallowed. “Honestly, I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Lauren closed her hand gently over Emma’s. “First of all, you’reyou. You always will be. No matter what.” Her voice was reassuring, and it was something Emma would hold onto in this moment. “And secondly, you know me and Mum are here for you. Foranythingyou need. We’re family.”
Even though Emma knew those words were true, it didn’t stop the sting of tears in her eyes or the dreadful ache in her chest. “She must hate me, Lauren.” Emma’s voice broke as she looked up at her best friend. “I wasn’t there to protect her, or to love her, so she must hate me.”
“You didn’t know she existed, Em. You can’t blame yourself for any of this.”
Emma smiled weakly. “It doesn’t feel that way.”
“Okay, so how could you have changed the outcome of any of this if you had no knowledge of a sister?”
Emma lifted a shoulder. She knew what she was about to say was ridiculous, but it still could have stopped all of this from happening. “Maybe if I hadn’t cut all contact with my family, I’d have known about her. Maybe if I’d made more of an effortto visit Mum and Dad, then this would have been different. I could have taken Freya when they decided they didn’t want her anymore. I could have given her all the love I never received and all the love I know she never received.”
Lauren lifted a brow. “And by doing that, by staying in contact with your parents, it would have been toxic for you. You and I both know that.”
Emma knew Lauren was right. The past with her parents wasn’t just complicated; it was destructive. Still, the guilt remained. “But Freya had a terrible start to life because of that toxicity.”
“And that’s not your fault, Em.”
“Maybe not, but I still feel responsible.” Emma knew it was unreasonable to feel that way, but it was one of her downfalls. No matter how hard she tried to reason with herself, the guilt clung to her like a second skin.
“Look, you know now. Moving forward, you can give your sister everything you wish you could have given her growing up. You can have a great relationship with one another because neither of you are in the situation you were in anymore.”
Emma wanted to believe that. Sheneededto. But the reality of it all wasn’t so easy. “Vanessa isn’t sure it’ll be that simple.”
Lauren’s brows drew together. “I don’t understand.”
“Freya’s new parents make the decisions. They may not want me to see her or allow me any contact with her.”
Lauren sat stunned. “But that’s bullshit. It’s notyourfault you didn’t know she existed until now. And it’s notherfault. In fact, nobody is to blame for that other than your parents. Why should you and Freya be punished for something neither of you could control?”
“I don’t know, Lauren.” Emma pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. God, would the frustration ever subside? “That’s just the way it is, and I can’t do anything to change what they want.”
“Surely when they see the life you have…that you’re in a stable marriage with a great job, they’ll jump at the opportunity for Freya to have a relationship with you. It just doesn’t seem possible that there would be any reason for them to withhold contact. None at all.”
Emma shook her head. She wasn’t trying to fuck this all up or talk herself out of a relationship with Freya. She was just being honest. “That’s something I have to wait out and then deal with when they decide what’s best for their daughter.”
