Page 25 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
Oh, that's a good idea. Schools should have survival classes! Then a class on how to do taxes. Maybe some basic first aid. Is there one?I'd also think a mental health management class would be good. Psychology wasgreat, but I wish somebody had taught me how to manage high stress. Like right now.
Another good idea. Mental health managementduringsurvival class. That's what would have been useful for me, literally on so many levels. Lord knows I have enough issues, and will have more after this.If there is an after.
There's the other possibility that I won't have any PTSD from this fucked up place. But that might be worse. Violet might think I'm a damn robot if I'm so unaffected by what has most definitely been a traumatic experience.
Would she worry less about the bad things that could happen? Fuck, I can picture it now.Well, Ma is fine after the worst thing ever, so I'll just go on this date with this mob boss, whom I haven't even met yet.
How the hell does a parent feel confident in what they are inadvertently teaching their kid through their actions?
Or...motherfucker...Isthishis plan? To make me overthink every single fucking thing. I'm contemplating death and am angry at a damn crappy piece of fabric, all the while wondering what my captor's plan is.
"ASSHOLE!" I scream and throw the blanket at the door. The coughing fit that follows is absolutely fucking worth it. Just that one outburst lights a fire inside of me, and while I know it can easily be snuffed out, I'm going to fan the flame for as long as I can.
I may never be confident about myself as a mother, but I can set an example. If Violet were ever to findherself in a similar predicament, I hope she would do better than I have been doing.
With my daughter in mind, I grit my teeth and climb to my feet. I can't fight lying down.
Nineteen
FELIX
Waking up in an empty bed does not put me in the right frame of mind. If I'm being honest, I haven't had my head screwed on right in days. The one-week mark is fast approaching, and even though it's almost three days away, I'm terrified we will reach that point without any more information on Blue.
So, waking up without Declan beside me and at three a.m. after hearing everything Bethany told us a few hours ago is not okay. I need him just like I need Blue.
His pillow is cold to the touch, which worries me even more.How long has he been gone?We went to bed clinging to each other like we could hold the other one together.
I had felt bad knowing Roman and Jared didn't have anyone to hold tonight. Nobody should be alone after learning what we did. If we were at Blue's apartment, we all would have camped out on the living room floor.Guilt stabs me in the gut as I realize we should have done that tonight, too.
Flinging the sheets back, I swing my legs over the side of Declan's bed and step into my sweatpants. I bite back a groan as I lift my arms to pull my white T-shirt on.
My muscles are screaming at me to stretch and go to the gym, but there's no time. The tension in my body is born of stress and anxiety, and unfortunately, I don't have a fucking outlet.
With my arm across my chest, I stretch to loosen the tension. There are other ways to do that, but the man I need isn't in bed. I peek my head into Jared's room and see his sleeping form on top of his comforter. He's fully dressed, and I wonder how deeply he's actually sleeping.
The light is on in Roman's room, but I'm more interested in the fact that he's standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms crossed. Since he's quiet, I am as well as I descend the staircase. My best friend peeks up at me and nods in greeting before putting his finger to his mouth to shush me.
I nod and lean against the banister once I'm beside him. Whispering, he says, "Look."
My entire body stiffens once again when I see what he had been watching. Declan, my sweet fucking Declan, is hunched over the dining table with a glass of amber colored liquid in his hands.
I ask the dreaded question. "How much has he had?"Fucking hell, I thought we had his drinking under control.
"None," Roman answers, still watching his youngerbrother with narrowed eyes. "He's been down here for about fifteen minutes just staring at it. I thought about stopping him when I saw him reach for the bourbon, but decided to see what he would do."
Roman's response shocks the shit out of me. "Why wouldn't you fucking stop him? Look at him. He's struggling." The longer I watch Declan, the more my heart twists. He's not crying, but he's also not moving.
"He's never going to get better if he doesn't try by himself." Roman turns to me then. "I know you want to slay everyone's demons, but sometimes having confidence in them is more than enough, Felix. It's okay toonlyoffer support sometimes."
What the fuck?
Roman raises a brow at me. "No, don't turn into the Hulk. You and I both know you're possessive and overbearing. Well, everyone knows." I growl and cross my arms, but he ignores me and continues. "While those are great qualities in appropriate doses, you have to allow people to grow on their own."
"Don't get all mushy on me," I grumble, not appreciating his old man wisdom.
He grins, and it's a sight for sore eyes. "The more you hover, the less the sun will shine on them. Give them water when they need it, then step back and watch them grow. Sometimes the wind will steal a petal or two, but that's how they strengthen their stems."
"Jesus, Roman. Haveyoubeen drinking my bourbon?"
