Page 26 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
He chuckles and focuses back on my boyfriend. "That was quoted almost word for word. It was fromone of those betrayal and grovel books my brother is hoarding on our family KU plan."
My eyes roll. "Am I the only one who hasn't been reading that shit?"
"Careful," Roman teases, "that's where we're getting all of our ideas to win Blue's heart once she's back home. You'll come in last if you don't start studying."
"That's what we're calling it? Studying?" I'm not actually opposed to reading these books; I just want to shoot the shit. Ribbing each other is like flexing one of my weakening muscles. I miss my friends and having normal conversations, even though there's a strong undercurrent of uncertainty that threatens to pull us into a negative spiral.
"Yup," Roman responds, then gestures back to Declan with a fond look on his face. "Look."
I look over just in time to see Declan stand from the table and walk to the kitchen sink. He doesn't hesitate to empty his glass.
"Not a sip?" I whisper.
"Nope," Roman confirms, pride obvious in his tone, "not one sip."
I'm not even a little mad that my expensive shit just went down the drain. Proud is an understatement for what I'm feeling right now. I need to show Declan what I'm feeling.
Moving down the final few steps, I pat Roman on the back and dismiss him. "Good night, Rome."
A huff of laughter escapes him, but thankfully, he doesn't say anything besides, "Good night, man." I should have known better, though, because Romanadds, "Please keep it quiet. I don't need to hear that shit."
Tossing one final glance over my shoulder, I grin and aim to make him even more uncomfortable. "You'll need to get used to it at some point if we're all going to be sharing our blue-haired beauty."
"Yeah, yeah." Smiling while waving me away, Roman climbs the stairs and leaves me with a dejected-looking Declan.
Time to water him.
Twenty
DECLAN
Ican't do this.
Slowly, as if it's painful, I push my chair out and stand. Still clutching the glass cup in my white-knuckled grip, I put one foot in front of the other.
I can't do this to them. We have more important things to focus on. Our attention needs to be focused on what matters most.
It's not as hard as I thought it would be to dump the alcohol down the sink. Felix might be a bit pissed if he finds out I wasted some of his expensive stuff, but I'd like to think he would be proud of me for pushing the desire away.
I couldn't do that to Blue.Had I taken even a sip of that bourbon, I would have taken multiple steps back from my goal of only social drinking.
Depression and anxiety hold way too much space in Roman's and my lives, making me wonder if it's genetic or something. It sucks, but what sucks even more isfinding unhealthy ways to cope that actually just make it fucking worse.
The last time I drank to numb my feelings was the same night Blue was hurt at the bar. Fuck, that was a slap in the face. I was too inebriated to register that Blue was being attackedright in front of me.
Never again, I vow as I set the glass in the sink. Theclinksound it makes is so final that it snaps me out of the haze I was stuck in for who knows how long.
Self-loathing settles around me.I should have stayed in bed.There was no way I would have been able to rest. For a while, just watching Felix settled my soul, then my mind took over and demanded attention. I couldn't deal, nor did I want to.
How weak am I?
What would Felix think if he saw me right now? Scratch that, what wouldRomanthink? My big brother wants the best for me, and I just played with fucking fire.
"I'm so proud of you."
I jump, not having heard Felix come up behind me, but I relax as soon as heat engulfs my back. His arms wrap around me and tug me back into his large chest. "W-What?" I stutter, shame stealing my breath for a moment.
"I'm proud of you," Felix rumbles and dips his chin to nuzzle my neck. "You're so strong."
