Page 4 of Did It Have To Be Gnomes?!
“When I was cleaning up, I saw a gnome come out of a hole in the corner of the attic,” I told him.
He grimaced. “Shit, really? Those things are cute as hell, but they’re a pain in the ass.”Ew. No, they’re not.He ran a hand through his hair. “Can you take care of them?”
As much as I didn’t want to deal with the gnomes, I also didn’t want to leave this guy hanging dry either. He was good people, even if an impatient asshole, and had called me because hewanted to make sure the firebird was helped rather than killed. I was grossed out, but I wasn’t that much of an asshat.
I nodded. “I have some traps I can set before I leave, if you want?”
He nodded. “Yeah, hopefully you can catch those fuckers before they get too bad. I better let my wife know to put any of her nice clothes in bins so they can’t rip them up. Those little shits ripped through her wedding dress a few years ago. Still don’t know how they got through the dress bag it was in.” He shook his head.
“If they see something they want, they can be pretty determined.”
He grimaced. “So I’ve seen. Your traps work well?”
“Yes. Each trap can hold up to twenty of them at a time. I’ll set those out now, and if they fill up too quickly, I’ll bring back some bigger ones in a few days when I come to collect them. Have you noticed any other signs of them? Any nests or droppings or anything?”
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“Hopefully, they’re just settling in then. Let me go set the traps real quick so I can get her out to the sanctuary. Do you want traps anywhere else? Or just the attic?”
“I don’t know where else to put them, so just the attic for now. Thanks.”
I gave him a nod and grabbed some traps from the truck bed. I had a truck with a canopy on the back with my business logo on the sides and back. When I’d quit my job five years ago and decided to start this business, some of the first things I’d done were buy a truck and make a logo.
My company was called Carry A Faerie Pest Solutions.Pest Solutionswas written underCarry A Faerie,and there was a little pixie lying across the letters inFaerieand another pixie on the last letter ofSolutions. And there was a… a… gnome hangingout on the bottom curve of the C. As much as I despised gnomes, they were a main source of my income, so it made sense to include them on the graphic.
I had a love-hate relationship with my logo. I had a few magnets at home that I’d taken whiteout to, covering up the gnome so I didn’t have to look at it every time I went fridge foraging.Whiteout to the rescue!
Across my truck’s tailgate, I had an actual tagline that I also put on stickers, postcards, magnets, and anything else I bought to hand out, but it was so tacky. Or at least, I thought it was… simply because I’d come up with it.
Have a faerie problem? We’ll clear your home for good, the humane way, and Carry A Faerie away.
Every time I looked at it, I cringed. Was that too cheesy? Or was it… cute? I didn’t know. But it was what it was at this point. I had it printed on way too many things to change it now.
I checked on the firebird and murmured, “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”
She let out a little noise that twisted my heart and made me feel awful for leaving her in the cage.
“I’m sorry, pretty girl, but I have to take care of the gnomes. I’ll be right back.”
She let out the noise again, and it killed me to leave her.
With a sigh, I locked up my truck, leaving it running with the AC on, and headed back inside, keeping my fingers crossed that I didn’t have to see any more of the little gross gnomes today.
Chapter Two
Miles
With the traps set, I was finally able to head to the sanctuary. This was a different place than I normally used because my usual sanctuary didn’t take firebirds. It was going to be a bit of a drive, but it’d be worth it to get the little miss to safety.
I turned down Main Street and sighed in exasperation when I had to stop.
Right on the side of the road were two large vans blocking half the street. Vans from Faerie Be Gone Pest Control.
My enemies.
Okay, wow, that was super dramatic. They weren’treallymy enemies.
But they were my rivals.
