Page 3 of Did It Have To Be Gnomes?!
Gnomes.
I trembled in revulsion.
Blech.
Uggggghhh.
They were so fucking gross.
I had no clue why anyone would ever call those things cute.
And yet, nearly everyone did.
How was a three to four inch tall, tiny, roundish-human-like creature with a long beard, round nose, and tiny beady eyes cute?
They weren’t cute.
They were creepy as fuck.
“What the fuck? Where’d you even come from, little varmint?” I shuddered again. “Bleeeeeechhh.”
Remembering that where there was one, there were twenty more, I held the net to my chest and frantically turned in a circle, searching for more beady eyes staring at me.
I didn’t see anymore.
But that just meant they were good at hiding.
“Fuck. I need to get out of here.”
The males and females both had long beards, so you couldn’t tell them apart unless you came across one that didn’t wear clothes, and you got a sight you couldn’t unsee. The things used anything they could find to make loincloths, although some did more elaborate clothes, but one thing they always had, even if they were running around naked, were hats.
They loved to make hats out of anything and everything they could find.
House gnomes used small pieces of fabric, buttons, newspaper, cardboard, and whatever else their little grabby hands could find and steal—part of the reason they were such annoying and invasive pests. Garden and forest gnomes used whatever they could find outside—anything from pebbles to acorns to flowers and leaves.
They were one of the most common pests people had in their homes.
Which meant I had to face them nearly every day.
But usually, I had time to prepare, and I could build up my courage before having to catch the gross creatures or go collect a trap to transfer them to a gnome sanctuary.
I definitely hadn’t expected one to be under my freaking net just now. What the hell was it doing?
Probably trying to steal something, the damn, gross thing.
I quivered again, thinking about its eyes staring up at me and the littlemeepof noise as it screamed at the same time I yelled.
My whole body shuddered as I tried to shake it off, now more than ready to get out of this attic before that thing came back with all its friends.
My eyes were wide as I walked back over to the bird cage, gaze scanning every inch so I wasn’t caught unawares again.
I didn’t have my gnome kit up here with me—I’d left it in the truck—so I couldn’t even defend myself against them if they jumped at me… not that they usually did that. It was an irrational fear, but one I couldn’t help.
As quickly as I could, I grabbed the cage, peeked inside to make sure the sweet firebird was okay—she was, although her little face made me feel guilty for some reason—then hightailed it out of there.
I carried the firebird out to my truck, turned it on so the AC was blowing, and set the cage on the passenger seat.
Luckily, the homeowner came out to meet me, and I had him sign some paperwork.
