Page 150 of Blossoms of the Heart
“Because I love it so much. Calms the soul in times of stress, and all that shit caused by people.”
“People?”
He knew it would piss me off to no end to put his shoes on the clean sheets on the bed so he did.
He raised one leg up and made sure he rubbed the mud from his boots on the space next to me.
“You. Damn you. I don’t know what you did to me, or what you did, but all these fucking years I’ve never been able to get you out of my head. It took me a long time to get over the fact that I might never see you again. It didn’t matter who I was with, you stuck in my head, then you came back and we had this… thing. It’s clear you don’t want to be with me and I should break up with you, but I can’t.”
A tear ran down my cheek. “I do want to be with you.”
“For sex. You want me for sex and if I just wanted sex I could get that for free some place.”
“Why are you saying that?” I snapped hating that he would think like that.
“Because Phoebe, you make me fucking crazy. I’m so damn in love with you I can’t see straight.” His eyes never left mine. He moved his foot off the bed and continued to glare at me.
I was stunned to silence. He just told me he loved me.
“I –”
“No. Don’t talk.” He held up his hand to stop me. “Here’s what we’re going to do. If you want me for more than just sex meet me at the exhibition on Friday at seven. Meet me in the garden. But don’t come if you won’t tell me what’s going on with you. And, don’t say it’s nothing because I know there’s something. If you don’t show I get it, and I’ll leave you alone. But don’t expect me to stop loving you.”
His words alone were enough.
But what I saw next gripped me to my core.
A lone tear ran down his cheek and his eyes darkened with emotion as he walked out.
* * *
Friday came quick.
It was like all the days in between happened in a blink and then Friday was here.
Tai stayed away from the center and the museum. I didn’t even catch a glimpse of him.
It was strange not seeing him. Strange not being with him and being by myself felt alien to me.
I guess that was his intention. To keep away so I would see what it was like to not have him, and also to give me time to think.
His words stuck in my mind, every day.
They played over and over again in my mind and made me feel terrible for putting him in such a position.
I’d already decided what I wanted and that was to be with him. I decided it from before he left that day with the ultimatum.
I figured that since he was saying he would always love me then maybe he’d find a place in his heart to still want me, still love me when I told him I couldn’t have kids.
And if he couldn’t…
I’d just have to respect that, but… but, I’d let him know that I would always love him too.
I got ready for the exhibition early. I wanted to take my time. Mitsuke came over to do my makeup and keep me company.
I was building my courage and she did a great job of instilling positive thinking in me.
At five just as we were about to leave the house my phone rang.
