Page 148 of Blood & Snow

---

He returns to his desk and sits.

"The Sokolov filth still breathing must die before New Year's Eve. I want their blood on the snow before the clock strikes midnight. Can you deliver that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then go. Rest. You've earned it."

I nod once and leave the office, taking the elevator downward until I'm thrust outside where the cold air bites my face.

The sky is a dark winter gray, heavy with the promise of more snow before dawn.

Wind cuts through the streets, carrying the smell of exhaust and roasting chestnuts from a vendor on the corner.

People hurry past, bundled in coats and scarves, their faces hidden.

All of this is normal life, and yet it feels foreign to me now.

Since Nadya shook me from my angry violent haze I'm too aware.

Too awake.

I'm a killer, a monster of a man that someone like her will never love, never want.

She won'ttarnish her perfect life to sidle up to me and be mine willingly, and she's too precious and fragile for me to consider forcing it.

But I know what happens if she walks away, and it, for the first time in my life, scares the living shit out of me.

I pull my phone from my pocket and dial her number again.

It rings once, twice, three times.

Then it goes to voicemail.

Her soft voice plays in my ear, "This is Nadya. Leave a message."

I end the call.

My hands are steady, but my chest feels tight.

I tell myself there's a reasonable explanation.

Her phone died.

She lost it.

She's busy cleaning up my mess.

But I know she's pissed.

It's the only thing that's logical.

I get into my car and sit behind the wheel.

The engine idles, heat pouring from the vents, but I don't move.

I stare at the phone in my hand.

I could go to her, interrupt her cleaning to have it out and tell her I won't allow her to walk away from me.

---