Page 25 of Blood & Snow
I should’ve taken her advice and gone back to school.
None of this would be happening if I were in class instead of helping cover up murders.
And Irina is hovering over me all the time.
All week long, every time the phone rang, she was there, watching me jump.
She asked me twice if I was okay, but I'm not and I can't tell her.
"Speaking of family support," Irina continues, settling back into her chair, "have you considered returning to university now that you have steady income? You only need six more classes to complete your degree."
I wince wistfully at her question.
"I've thought about it," I tell her, which is true.
"But working nights would make attending classes difficult."
"Morning classes exist. Part-time schedules. Distance learning programs."
Her persistence reveals how much she wants this for me.
"The state university offers flexible options for working students."
Her heart’s so pure.
She knows what her nursing degree has done for her and what finishing school could mean for me.
But it's naive to think I could do it now.
"Maybe next year."
"You said that last year. And the year before."
Irina's voice grows gentle but insistent.
"Mamochkawanted you to finish school, Nadya. She was so proud when you enrolled in the forensics program."
Our mother believed forensic science would give me stability and purpose.
The reality that I now use the skills Ilearned to eliminate evidence for murderers would've broken her heart.
"Things changed when she got sick," I say quietly.
"Some changes can't be undone."
"But some can be. You're young, intelligent, and you have most of your education completed."
Irina reaches across the table to squeeze my hand.
"Don't let grief stop you from building the future she wanted for you."
The irony cuts deep.
So deep, I can't even think of going back.
Xander would know if I did, and he'd make me use it for him even more.
"I can't go back," I tell her firmly. "Not now."
