Page 26 of Blood & Snow
Something in my tone convinces her to drop the subject.
She releases my hand and begins helping Anya with the multiplication problems that have been frustrating her throughout dinner.
Unable to sit here anymore, I wash dishes while listening to their voices discuss homework and school activities.
They're going about their normal routine while the horrid, terrible things I'm witnessing are traumatizing me.
But I'm providing much-needed relief to Irina's budget and allowing her to have a few days off now and then. I can't quit.
"Aunt Nadya, will you read to me before bed?"
Mikhail appears at my elbow holding a storybook.
"Of course."
I dry my hands and follow him toward the living room where Anya has spread her completed homework across the coffee table.
We settle onto the couch together, Mikhail curled against my side while I read about heroes who defeat monsters and save innocent people.
Fairy tales where good triumphs over evil, where courage and virtue receiverewards instead of punishment.
Stories that bear no resemblance to the world I now inhabit.
The children fall asleep during the third story, their breathing becoming deep and regular.
I carry Mikhail to his bed and help Anya gather her homework before tucking her in beside her brother.
They share a room in this small apartment, but they don't complain about the cramped conditions or the lack of individual space.
"Goodnight, Aunt Nadya," Anya whispers.
"I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
The words feel like lead weights on my heart tonight.
Love means protection, means making sacrifices to keep them safe and happy.
Love means doing what I'm doing because the alternative is watching them go without food or warm clothes or presents.
Irina has already gone to bed when I return to the kitchen.
Her nursing shifts at the hospital start early and end late, leaving her exhausted by evening.
Her teacup sits on the counter where she left it, so I rinse it in the sink and finish the dishes before feeling fatigue slow me down.
But I can't sleep with the way I'm feeling.
So I sit alone at the kitchen table counting the money Xander gave me after the warehouse cleanup.
There is enough money here to allow Irina and the kids to have a week-long vacation to St. Petersburg, or somewhere in Europe if they wanted to.
More actual cash than I've ever seen in my life.
But if I tell her I have it, she will be instantly suspicious and scared.
The burner phone sits silent on the table beside the money.
