Page 61 of Let's Talk About Love
“On the other hand, I can see how it can happen and why people think that way, because we change and grow apart, but aren’t you supposed to fight for them? I feel like instead of fighting for them, all I do is fightwiththem. Like now.” Alice explained what happened at the party while he nodded, taking notes.
“And Takumi is another friend?”
“Yeah. Definitely friend. But also, um.” Alice’s mouth went dry. “He’sthe person. You know. From before.”
“Ah.” He smiled. “This is fantastic. What did you—”
“Wait, let me stop you right there,” she said, laughing and holdingup her hand. “Nothingfantastichappened. I’m sorting, not sorted. I mean, I’m not sexually attracted to him, but there’s another problem.”
“All right,” he said, pen ready.
“Sometimes I don’t think I have enough room for everything. I have my issues—I guess that’s a good enough word—then there are Ryan and Feenie, plus my family, and I want to squeeze Takumi in, too, but it kind of feels like too much right now? He’s so good to me. Too good. I feel like I’m never going to be able to repay his kindness.”
“Is Takumi asking you to?”
“He doesn’t have to.” Alice rested her chin in her hand. “When I compare myself to him, I’m not good enough anyway. And I don’t really get why he’s bothering with me in the first place.”
“Can you tell me a little bit more about why you feel that way?”
“It’s like, he’s not nice to me because he expects something. I know what that feels like. He does all this stuff for me and he’s just there because that’s who he is. He’s a better person than I am. Do I really want someone like that in my life? Someone who makes me feel less than? I don’t know how to see the other side. He’s not inspiring me to be a good person—I just end up feeling bad about myself when we’re not together and I think about him. That’s not his fault, I guess, but it feels like it is.” She slid to the edge of her seat. “But this is the kicker: do Ireallywant someone like that in my life?” she repeated. “If it’s Takumi? Yeah. I do.” She threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t even know what to do with myself.”
Alice took a deep breath. Last time, it felt like she had to break before spilling her heart in his office. She didn’t even hesitate this time and it felt sogood. Even if Dr. Burris didn’t understand, she had said it, got the words out instead of holding them in until she pushed them down so far they began to grow roots and infect her.
Maybe she should start speaking up more often.
“Perhaps your unresolved issues with Feenie and your worriesregarding your relationship with Takumi are related,” he suggested. “Would you be comfortable talking about your family?”
“Immediate or extended?”
“Whichever you’d like.”
“Sure.” Alice checked the time. “I’m Black and grew up in the suburbs, whereas the rest of my family did not. You might want to strap in for this ride I like to callNot Black Enough to Be the Black Sheep of Black Excellence.”
CHAPTER
21
Ryan caved first.
After another week of late nights spent at Takumi’s house, he had waited up for her. She opened the door and there he was, sitting on the couch. He didn’t say a word. He simply stood up, hugged her, and all was right with the world.
Almost.
Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Hersimplyconsisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.
Things were good, though.
“I’m hungry. You hungry?” Ryan asked. Feenie had crashed a few hours ago, but they were both wired and awake, at one thirty in the morning, marathoning season two of a postapocalyptic show centered on teenagers.
“I have no food. I’m on that rapid weight-loss diet called StarvationBecause I Spent My Last Six Dollars on Laundry.” She glanced at him. “I don’t get paid until Monday.”
“Pizza or Chinese?”
“Chinese, please.” There was a twenty-four-hour Chinese place downtown. “I mean, if you’re absolutely positive you’re willing to risk feeding me after midnight.”
“You’re happier on a full stomach, Gizmo.”
“I do like it when you feed me.”
