Page 28 of Let's Talk About Love
“Okay, so you don’t want to get to know him?” Feenie poked Alice in the cheek and left her finger there. “I’m getting confused.”
“Because it is confusing. I don’t really want to deal with it,” Alice admitted, feeling wearier by the second. “Why are you so into this?”
Feenie shrugged, but Alice knew why and promptly felt terrible for asking.
A big part of Feenie felt like she was missing out on the dating world and was scared to admit that to Ryan. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him think she didn’t want to marry him. If livingvicariously through Alice’s predicament helped Feenie feel fulfilled, Alice was willing to share this experience with her.
It was the least she could do for the one friend who had always stood up for her.
“Fine, but for the record, I think you’re getting your hopes up for nothing.”
Feenie scoffed. “Are you talking about my hopes or yours?”
Alice rolled over and faced the wall and shoved her head under her pillows. “Go away.”
“I’m not going to let you bottle everything up about Takumi until you explode,” she said, tugging at the pillows.
“Hello, my loves!” Ryan announced.
Alice felt his weight on the bed as he wiggled in between them. “This bed isn’t big enough for three people,” she complained.
“It’s fine,” he said. Alice looked at him—he had a severe case of gray under-eye circles but was alert and smiling. He beeped her nose. “Who’s Takumi? What are we talking about?”
Alice and Feenie exchanged a look.
“Don’t do that,” Ryan whined. “Tell me.”
“Girl stuff,” Feenie explained.
“O-kay,” he said, drawing out the word. “What kind of girl stuff? I want to know. Maybe I can help.”
Alice sighed. “You tell him.” She covered her head again.
***
THE COUNSELOR’S OFFICEwalls were lined with floating bookshelves; a small desk sat right in front of the window. The room also upheld Alice’s stereotypical fantasies of a therapist’s office—a full-size couch was against the left wall and two small armchairs with a round table in between were on the right.
She took one giant step toward the armchair and perched on theedge of the seat. He sat cross-legged in the other chair, placing a manila folder and notepad on the table.
“May I call you Alice?” Alice nodded and he continued. “Okay, Alice. My name is Dr. Burris and I like to start my session with a bit of a disclaimer. This is a safe space and anything you say here will be kept confidential unless you divulge plans to harm yourself, harm others, or engage in any sort of illegal activity. Do you have any questions about that?”
Alice shook her head. Her hands had moved on from twisting the paper with her waiting-room number on it to holding her bag in a death grip. She needed to be there.Wantedto be there. Recognizing that as fact didn’t make her any less nervous. She had to trust him to give her sound advice, and in order for him to do that, it meant talking about herself. Sharing parts of her she hadn’t even told her parents about. And sure, he sounded like he’d be nice—his tone was rather pleasant to listen to. But what if he was a closet racist? Or homophobic? Or a religious fanatic who would try to subtly instill his beliefs in her?
“Excellent. We’ll have thirty minutes today to talk about whatever you need to.” He opened the folder. The form Alice filled out in the waiting room lay on top. “You checked off ‘sexual concerns,’ and it says here you have questions about ‘stuff’?”
“Yes.”
“And would you mind explaining what ‘stuff’ entails?”
“Sure. Okay. Um,” Alice began and cleared her throat. “I, uh, recently, I experienced something and I was, am, a little worried about it.”
“Are you comfortable sharing your experience with me?”
“Yeah. Um.” Alice looked at him. That familiar feeling of fear mixed with shame burned in her stomach. “You know, maybe I could start by telling you a little about me first?”
“Please do.”
“Okay. Well, my name is Alice. I’m nineteen. I’m a sophomore. I’m what you could consider a TV and minor film buff. I’m the youngest in my family—have an older sister and brother. I have a job that I’m pretty good at. Got my first apartment this year with my best friends. And I have a cat named Glorificus, but I call her Glory.” Alice tapped her finger on her bag. “Those are the basics, I guess.”
