Page 39 of Falling for Paris
Her arms had been flailing around and she was tired. She slumped on the edge of the bed and covered her wet face with trembling hands.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“I think that’s actually what you’re saying. I need to leave, be miserable, and hope you’ll want me when I return. Here’s the thing: it’s hard for me to believe that you want me at all if it’s so easy to push me away.”
“It isn’t easy. Don’t say that.” He came closer, laying a hand over her shoulder.
With a heavy sigh, Tori looked up at him. “It isn’t the first time you’ve pushed me away.”
He repeated the refrain through a tortured growl. “I have my reasons.”
“I know, Rafael. I’m scared too, but you’ve shown me what’s possible,” she gritted. Her throat was tight and her heart heavy. She needed him to look at her. To see what she could barely express in words. Cupping his face to tilt it downward, she spoke.
“Where’s the person who sweeps me in his arms? Who holds me as long as he can? Where’s the lover who pins me down and seizes my wrists before he buries himself in me? Rafael, where is the man who ruins me for anyone else?”
Looking pained, Rafael stepped back, letting her arms drop and the cold seep into her body. She wanted to crawl into a ball and close her eyes. To forget this painful confrontation. But there was no forgetting. Instead, she rallied. Strong and urgent, Tori continued.
“That’sthe man I need. The man who’s brave enough to love me today and tomorrow and all the days after that.”
“Tori—”
“Ask me to stay. No.Makeme stay,” she said, hardly believing the pathetic begging that came out of her mouth.“Hold me tight and don’t let go. Tell me I belong to no one else but you. Tell me you won’t let me leave.”
He didn’t speak, his silence louder than a scream. Tori roughly pushed the moisture away from her cheeks. She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. What she needed to say had been said.
“Yeah. I didn’t think so. You get what you want, Rafael. I’m returning to DC. I’m leaving because I refuse to play this game. I refuse toauditionfor the role of someone you can trust.”
She pulled her bigger luggage from under the bed and dumped in the clothes from the dressers and the ones she had carefully packed in an overnight bag.
“What are you doing?” he blurted with appalled panic. “Tori stop. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m staying in Paris till I leave on Saturday.” The statement almost sounded normal as she fought down the quivering strain of saying words she didn’t want to say.
“No, Tori. You are not leaving today.” Rafael’s voice was thick and labored, like he was underwater.
“Watch me,” she hissed and walked out of the bedroom with her luggage and purse. She wasn’t sure if she had grabbed everything, but so what? Everything was replaceable.
Except pride, she thought to herself. And certainly not her heart, which she knew she no longer owned.
Before she could open the front door, Rafael roughly pulled her luggage from her grasp. In the time it took for her to turn around in anger, he had already flung the luggage aside and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Do not leave this way,” he gritted through a pursed mouth and tight jaw. Everything about his features was hard except his eyes of molten jade. It would have been so easy to get lost in the misery of his gaze. To comfort him for as long as he would let her. The thought jarred her into action.
Tori pushed against his chest in order to dislodge the iron strength of his embrace. They struggled desperately, her body rubbing against his and Rafael’s erection pressing harshly. She was aching with desire and trembling with rage.
“Let go of me, Rafael! I’m leaving!”
“No,” he said before slamming his mouth over hers. Because his body was so unyieldingly hard, the shock of his lips’ softness made her pause. His tongue sought hers, hungry and insistent. He repositioned her so he could grind against the cradle of her wet center. The pleasure of their bodies connecting almost shattered her resolve.
But Tori remembered something she had drilled into her consciousness after her divorce: no more catering to men’s needs, no more compromising herself, no more fucks to give.
She ripped their mouths apart and unleashed the one word she knew would end thisnow. “Red,” she blurted with a hard exhale.
Immediately, he relaxed his arms. It wasn’t Rafael letting go, so much as him collapsing.
Tori didn’t even bother grabbing her luggage. She ran to the train station with her passport and wallet, some of her pride, and none of her heart.
He watched her leave, her figure at a distance already more specter than reality. He messed up. He knew he handled everything badly. Couldn’t find the words to explain his fear that she would regret the sacrifices she was making to be with him.
