Page 77 of Not Another Yesterday
There’s no way I’m leaving Vada here by herself. “I’ll wait for her, if it’s okay with you.”
“Of course.”
We sit and chat about school with the TV running in the background until Vada and Dusty join us in the living room twenty minutes later. Dusty grins widely, while Vada—a sated smile on her rosy face—pulls her hair into a quick ponytail.
Levi calls a ride share, and he and Dusty walk us down the stairs where we wait for the car to pull up.
“I’ll see you at research hour on Tuesday, right?” Levi asks as I’m about to get into the car behind Vada.
My eyebrows rise. “Oh, uh, yeah. I mean, is that still okay with you?” I wouldn’t hold it against him if he felt like we could no longer research together.
He flinches with a small frown. “What? Yeah, of course. Cat, I promise, this”—he points his index finger toward the sky, obviously indicating what happened in his upstairs apartment—“doesn’t change anything. I respect your choices. We can still be friends and coworkers and all that. And honestly, I’d be so screwed if you didn’t want to work together anymore.” He pinches a deep exhale off with his lips, his cheeks puffing up.
I give him a grateful smile. “Okay. Thanks, Levi.”
He nods and he shuts the car door behind me.
“So?” Vada accosts me the second the driver pulls away from the curb. “Tell me everything!” she squeals, her entire body turned to me.
I shrug. “There’s nothing to tell.”
Her brow wrinkles. “What do you mean? Are you telling me you didn’t hook up with Levi?”
“I didn’t.”
“What? Cat, why the hell not?” Her tone makes it sound as though I threw away a winning lottery ticket.
“Because I didn’t want to, Vada. I’m not ready.” I take a shaky breath. “I’m not over him.”
I don’t say Ronan’s name out loud. Even forming the syllables to let them roll off my tongue hurts as though I’m eating thorny cacti.
Vada chuffs. “You don’t have to be over Ran to have single-serving sex! You can get your rocks off and still miss him. You’re allowed to have fun.”
She doesn’t get it.“Vada, I’ve only ever slept with Ran. For me, it’s not just sex. It’s not just bodies grinding, okay? For me, it’s me giving myself—wholly, body and soul—to someone else, and I only want to give myself to Ran.” My voice breaks, and tears flood my eyes. “I miss him so much, Vada. I miss him so much, and nothing I do makes it better.”
Friday, March 17th
Ronan
“Morning, Ran!” Tori chirps when I walk into the kitchen this morning.
I have to give myself credit for how I scheduled my classes this semester. Unlike last semester—when I had classes starting at eight a.m. five days a week—my Fridays are now short and sweet. It’s almost like I knew I’d need a built-in recovery day, because I’m running on empty.
“Hey, man,” Shane says, leaning his solid body back against the kitchen counter on which Tori sits, her short legs crossed and dangling off the edge.
“Hey, guys,” I say, my voice tired.
Shane’s eyes follow my movements as I fill a glass with water from the tap. “How was last night?”
I grab my pre-workout and scoop the powder into my glass. “Normal. We’re running low on Jameson, though.”
Shane pulls his phone from his pocket, no doubt to make a note to have his dad stop by the supplier and drop some off at Murphy’s this morning. Funny when you think about it: Shane is old enough to run a damn business, but not old enough to buy alcohol. “Which one?”
“Black barrel.”
“Got it.” He studies me for a moment. “Are you doing okay?”
I blink at the concern in his voice. “No.” No point in lying to him. He knows me better than I even know myself.
