Page 76 of Not Another Yesterday
He expels a short laugh. “I can’t even make you a mixed drink with that stuff.”
I contemplate just asking him for some vodka. I hate that stuff, but it’s miraculous at lowering my inhibitions. That and tequila. They’re my kryptonite. I could probably benefit from a little dulling of my thoughts. Problem is, I don’t know that Iwantto heed Vada’s advice from earlier. I decide against the alcohol. Whatever decisions I maketonight, when tomorrow comes around I want to be certain those choices were clearheaded and all mine.
“Don’t worry about it. Maybe some water,” I say.
The sofa cushions concave with Levi’s weight when he sits down next to me, handing me a bottle of water. “So, Vada isn’t the shy type, is she?” he asks over the sound of the bottle cap separating from its plastic ring.
I shake my head, my bottle to my lips. I hastily swallow the sip. “No. She never was.”
“Good for her. And Dusty.”
The plastic bottle in Levi’s hand crinkles when a soft moan emanates from one of the bedrooms.
Levi and I sit awkwardly, the silence growing thick. I keep taking sips of my water even though I’m not thirsty.
“You look really nice tonight,” Levi says, a sweet smile on his lips.
I don’t thank him for the compliment. It feels like a mandatory step for him to take in the societally accepted process of hooking up. It’s all so forced and uncomfortable, especially with what Dusty and Vada are doing only feet away from us. The air is heavy with expectations and wondering where this is going to go tonight. I can practically see Levi calculating what he should do and say next. It’s such a delicate balance—say the right things, push enough to test, but not so far as to be off-putting. Poor guy.
“Vada thinks you and I should hook up tonight, too,” I say, then promptly take another sip of water.
Levi’s dark eyes flash briefly. He was not expecting me to cut the chase short like this. His Adam’s apple bops with his dry swallow. “She does, huh?”
I twist the cap back onto my water and place it on the floor, directing my full attention to Levi. I still don’t know whether I want this, but I guess I’m going to find out really quickly. I nod.
Levi searches my eyes while I sit unspeaking. He slowly leans toward me, millimeter by millimeter. I inhale and shut my eyes, waiting for his lips to make contact, which they do a second later.
His kiss is hesitant, nothing like Ronan’s, who knew my mouth like his own. Just the thought of him sends a throbbing ache through my chest and threatens tears. I try to stay in the moment, praying for the ability to ignore the pain and seek the pure physical pleasure. I’m verging on thanking Levi for the nice evening, yanking Vada out of this bachelor pad with me, and heading home to drown in my sorrow.
“God, you’re so hot, Cat,” Levi breathes against my lips, gently pushing me back against the pillows. He meets no resistance. His hands roam, but my body won’t follow. It doesn’t light up. It doesn’t want this. My skin stays silent, numb. If this was Ronan’s hand, I’d already be tingling all over. My skin would be covered in delicious goosebumps while moist heat rushed to my core. Nothing feels better than Ronan’s body on mine; nothing will ever compare—but still, I don’t push Levi off me.
Instead, I follow his lead, running my hands underneath his shirt and up his back. He sits back, then pulls his hoodie and shirt off, discarding them on the floor. My eyes take stock of his build. Levi obviously works out, but isn’t nearly as muscular, as cut as Ronan, whose body is so damn perfect, even scarred.God, I need to stop thinking about Ronan.
Levi takes my hand into his and carefully pulls me up to a seat before coaxing my sweater off me. Once again, I allow it, allow his lips back on mine while his hands work to unhook my bra and slide the straps off my shoulders.
I feel naked, exposed, vulnerable. I fight the urge to cover my breasts. It’s just a hookup. I’m not betraying anyone… except maybe myself.
“Jesus, fuck, you have a perfect fucking body,” Levi growls before he descends toward my chest. His lips find my nipple, and he sucks it into his mouth, his tongue flicking while his hand glides down myside, over the apple of my hip and between my thighs. The heat of his palm seeps through my jeans. I can no longer pretend. My eyes open with the sting of the building tears. My heart is racing. I want to crawl out of my skin. Poor Levi is clueless, his mouth still on my breast, his hands rubbing, kneading, caressing in an effort to get me worked up and ready for him.
I can’t do this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this with anyone but Ronan.“Levi, please stop.” Either I didn’t say it loud enough or Levi’s hearing is muted with sex, because he begins to unbutton my jeans. I set my hands onto his shoulders and push him back gently. “I’m sorry, Levi, but please stop,” I say again, louder.
He sits up, his breathing hectic. His erection tents his loose-fitting jeans as he looks at me with concern in his glossy eyes.
“I’m sorry, Cat. Did I do something wrong?” he asks sweetly. I feel so bad for leading him on like this, for allowing it to get this far.
I cover my breasts with my left arm, snatching my bra off the floor with my other hand. “No. It’s just… I can’t do this,” I say with a tremble in my voice. A small part of me is worried about his reaction. I just did to Levi what I did to Adam, whose dismay at my rejection swiftly turned violent. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on, but I—”
Levi retreats, scooting back to give me space. The smile on his lips is warm, his eyes soft, unthreatening. “Is it that guy from the restaurant? That waiter?” he asks, trying to steady his breathing. My eyes widen, and so does his smile. “I saw the way he looked at you. And the way you looked at him.”
I hesitate, then nod. “Yeah. He’s… he’s my… ex-boyfriend.” I nearly suffocate on the word. “We just broke up a few weeks ago and…” I pull my sweater over my head, swiping the fabric over my face and soaking up the single tear spilling from my right eye.
“I get it,” Levi says. “Who ended it?” His eyes are still full of empathy when my face emerges from my sweater.
“He did.”
Levi nods. “Well, Cat, for what it’s worth, I think he’s a damn fucking idiot for letting you go.” He replaces his own shirt. Instantly, I’m more at ease.
“I think Dusty and Vada are still busy in there,” Levi says with a noncommittal nod toward Dusty’s bedroom. “Do you want to wait for your friend to come out or do you want me to call you a cab?”
