Page 78 of Not Another Yesterday
“I didn’t think so,” he says with a nod.
“What can we do, Ran?” Tori asks empathetically. I know she thinks I’m an idiot for breaking things off with Cat. I also know shespends a ton of time with Cat. So, I appreciate her checking on me when I’m sure she’d prefer to kick my ass instead.
“Nothing really,” I say with a shrug. “Oh, actually, Shay, can you cover me for about an hour this afternoon? I have a therapy appointment at four, but I should be at Murphy’s by six.”
Shane doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
“This might actually become a more regular thing again,” I say hesitantly, looking from him to Tori and back again. “I think I’m going to pick up more sessions.”
Shane takes a scoop from the jar of pre-workout and adds it to his own water. “Do you feel like you need it?”
I pinch my lips between my teeth while I nod. “I think so. I can’t get out of my head. It’s starting to affect my sleep again.” I omit the little tidbit about the nightmares I’ve been having almost nightly for the past few weeks, the 4 a.m. anxiety attacks fracturing my sleep for the past month and a half.
Nothing helps. School, Murphy’s, even the gym no longer provide me with the longed-for distraction. Then again, they never did provide an effective cure. The only thing that ever eased the hellfire within me wasn’t actually a thing at all. It was Cat. She’s the only person who can make it better, and she’s the only person I cannot allow myself to have.
Of course, that knowledge doesn’t keep my thoughts from turning to her every waking—and sleeping—second. The sleeping seconds are the worst; so often I’m a soulless monster in my dreams. Then I wake, and the shame and guilt dissipate only long enough for me to remember that I’ve cut Cat out of my life. And the pain of hurting Cat is replaced by the pain of hurting myselfandCat.
“I promise, I’ll try to make my therapy work around my schedule at Murphy’s.” I know how important it is to Tori that Shane doesn’t overextend himself—which he definitely has a tendency to do—that he takes a step back to spend quality time with her, and I hate asking Shane to work extra hours.
Shane waves me off. “Dude, do what you gotta do.”
“Yeah, Ran. It’s fine,” Tori says.
It hits me yet again how lucky I got in the friends department when the universe completely failed me in terms of parents. I guess there’s an innate balance to everything. “Thanks, guys. Shay, I’ll work your shift tomorrow night, if you want. You can take Tor on a date.”
I grin at the way his blue eyes widen with happiness.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. I got nothing better to do.”
“Dude, that would be great!”
My phone vibrates in my pocket. “Yeah, you got it.” I retrieve my phone, noting the area code of the incoming call. It’s a Montana area code, but definitely not my grandparents.
I walk out of the kitchen and answer. “This is Ronan.”
“Hey there, Rony,” Miranda sing-songs on the other end.
“Hey Randi!” I walk the fifteen feet down the hallway to my room. “Did you get a new phone?”
“Yep,” she says proudly. “And not only that, I bought myself a new truck.” She squeals with delight.
I shut my door, grinning. “Way to go! What kind?”
Miranda giggles. “A sexy, cherry red Ram Rebel.”
“Wow, that’s a big truck for a little girl like you,” I tease. “Are you even able to see over the steering wheel?”
I’m met with an offended huff. “I can handle big things very, very well,” she says in a suggestive tone. “I know how to handle you, for example. Handled you really nicely for a while there.”
I shake my head and chuckle.Good to know some things never change.“You always know how to make things awkward as fuck.”
“Sorry, I’ve been stuck on the ranch for too long. Been a minute since I’ve ridden a cowboy rather than a horse.”
I pick yesterday’s shirt off the floor and toss it into my hamper. “Well, what about Elias?” I ask. “Wasn’t it your mission to pop his cherry?”
“Who’s making it awkward now, Rony?” Miranda laughs.
