Page 184 of Perfect
“Surprisedis a fucking understatement. I don’t care what you have to do, who you have to hire, or what hoops I have to jump through, but I need to go home.Now.”
Elise hums. “I’ll be there Monday to discuss our options, but youcannotmake a snap decision. Trial is the only way you get out of serving time, but if you’re found guilty, yourbestcase scenario is ten years. Judge Ramstead isn’t known for lenient sentencing.” I groan. “And no matter what we do, Alexneedsto submit a statement or testify.” I shake my head even though Elise can’t see me.
“Absolutely not. I’m not making her talk about what happened.”
“You realize she’s yourentire case, right?”
“You have no idea what happened to her.”
“I’ve read the hospital reports and I’ve spoken to you, so I know that I’ll need to hire a trauma therapist to help me prepare her for whatever we need from her.”
“No.”
“Take it up with her. She told me she’ll do it, whether you like it or not.” I laugh a little, shaking my head. She’s so fucking stubborn. Elise is quiet for a long moment, then sighs again. “Theo, you know that if we go to trial, you won’t be able to speak to her until the trial is over, right?” I stop smiling instantly.
“Why the fuck not?”
“It could be seen as witness tampering.”
“For how long?”
“It could take months,” she says slowly, “maybe even a year.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” The guard snaps at me for yelling so loudly.
***
“You seem different today.” I shrug, not saying anything, and Dr. Mills waits patiently for a minute before trying again. “Your lawyer’s put in a request to have you taken off suicide watch. What’s changed?” I raise my eyebrows at her.
“I don’t want to die anymore,” I say slowly, enunciating every syllable and giving her a tight, condescending smile. Dr. Mills closes her eyes briefly, exhaling what sounds like a laugh.
“Thank you, Theodore, I’d gathered that,” she says, sounding slightly amused. “Would you care to tell me why not?”
“Are you seriously this stupid?” Her eyebrows shoot up in reproach.
“Excuse me?” Her tone is sharp and no longer amused, and I smile a little.
“I asked you if you’re fucking stupid,” I say slowly, and the corners of her mouth tighten.
“May I ask why?”
“Because you’re a shitty fucking therapist,” I snap, and she looks at me curiously. “I’ve been saddled with you for almost a year, and you’ve spent every minute trying to make me feel like some insane, damaged fuck up. The only reason I’ve ever participated is because of Alex, and you used that to get in my fucking head. I evenbelievedyou for a minute, honestly, and it made me miserable.” Dr. Mills considers me for a long moment, nodding faintly. “You’re fucking wrong about me,by the way.” She sighs, looking down at the notepad in her lap, and I look over her head at the clock behind her.
Time seems to pass so slowly whenever I’m around her.
“I think there’s alotto unpack there,” she says gently. “I’d like to come back to it in a minute, but I’m going to hazard a guess and say you’ve spoken to Alex recently?”
“No shit.”
“How do you think it went?” My eyes snap back to hers, and I can’t help but smile.
“Iknowit went well.” The phone calls have gone well too, even though Alex kept her promise and spent the first one yelling at me for everything I did to hurt her.
I thought I couldn’t possibly hate myself any more than I already do, but I was wrong. I know she’s already forgiven me, but I’m going to spend the rest of our lives trying to make all of it up to her.
“So, am I right to assume you two are together again?” I roll my eyes and sigh impatiently.
“Obviously, otherwise I would have killed myself. You ask the dumbest questions sometimes, you know that?” Dr. Mills looks shocked.
