Page 9 of Authentically, Izzy
Izzy
PS: Maybe I should message Luke to see if he thinks talking to a man online about toilet paper and curtains is an unforgivable offense in a budding friendship. Luke has to be honest with me, doesn’t he? He’s family, after all.
PPS: And please don’t bring up he-who-left-me-at-the-altar (though typing his name would be much easier than using all the hyphens). Despite rumors, he did not end our engagement because of my disinterest in rock climbing or my inclination toward using book and movie quotes. If someone else has said something better, then why not use their words? It’s simple logic.
From: Penelope Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood
Date: February21
Subject: Re: Word-vomit shame
Izzy, you do like quotes a lot. Sometimes I can’t tell when it’s you talking and when it’s some dead author whose name I can’t pronounce, but I just have accepted it’s how you like to communicate. You know? Like some weird literary code.
And once Chip broke up with you after Dad hired someoneelseas business manager, we all knew why he’d dated you for so long in the first place. Scoundrel. That’s what he was. I’m glad he’s gone, Izzy. For one thing, I was sure you were going to die on one of those rock climbing adventures, especially given your history with ropes, and two, he didn’t know your favorite color or book. That should tell you something about a fiancé for certain. Especially a fiancé for you.
I’ll write more later. Sandy needs me to help her get untangled from her twinkle lights again. I keep telling her to move them farther away from her bed, but she saw something on Pinterest she’s determined to replicate.
Maybe Steve the Audiologist will be the one for you. I “hear” he’s rich.
Penelope
PS: Luke says I’m not funny, but I can use puns just as well as he can.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood
Date: February 21
Subject: Advice
Luke,
Do men find women who talk about toilet paper and curtains offensive or just ridiculous? And if they prefer books and tea over day-long hikes to the summits of mountains, is that an immediate turnoff?
Asking for a friend.
Izzy
Chapter2
***
Heart-to-Heart
Date: February22
Excellent choice of profile photo. I find that profile photos are a creative way to show personality. If you will notice, mine is of Sherlock Holmes, the renowned fictional detective. His precise extraction of information and unparalleled gifts of observation are two characteristics to which I can attest as personal proficiencies of my own. I feel certain you would find those talents attractive, as most women should, but I rarely have the opportunity of encountering like-minded partners. Most have limited knowledge of the more important things in life and others offer too simplistic conversations for my taste. If you wish for further knowledge about my many interests, I could send you several essays I wrote on the subject. One is entitled “Why Modern Women Are Intimidated by Intelligent Men”and another is “The Unfortunate Plight of the Great Romantic Men of the Contemporary Age.” Both speak to the difficulties men, like myself, encounter while searching for mates who are not intimidated by their superiorities. I look forward to your ready response.
Doyle’s protégé
***
Heart-to-Heart
Date: February22
