Page 10 of Authentically, Izzy
Doyle’s protégé,
I believe you’ve hit upon the very reason why Sherlock Holmes remained single throughout the entire course of his fictional life. Have you happened to readPride and Prejudice? There is a character in thenovel named Mr. Collins of whom you may find some particular interest . . . and similarity of mind. Also, I feel quite certain I do not have the skill set I need to pursue a future with someone of your caliber. I hope you find the eighteenth-century female of your dreams.
Izzy
From: Josephine Martin
To: Izzy Edgewood
Date: February22
Subject: Steve
Izzy,
How did the date with Steve go? I tried calling you last night but you never answered, so I had high hopes it was because you were still out enjoying your time with him. Patrick says he’s an excellent golfer and enjoys collecting books. If you can find anything in common, Izzy, you should pursue him. He’s financially stable, has never been married, isn’t in debt, and goes to church. Men like him are in high demand and short supply.
And he doesn’t like to fly either. He’s perfect for you!
You need to consider the truth of the matter. Time is not on your side.
Love,
Josephine
PS: I feel certain you can overlook his overuse of the wordamplification. Everyone has their unique peculiarities. You, of all people, should appreciate that.
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood
Date: February22
Subject: Re: Advice
I feel you need to clarify the context for me to give an honest answer for “your friend.” Is this the same friend who locked herself out of the library during circle time with the entire second grade class from Falls Springs Elementary?
Luke
From: Penelope Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood
Date: February23
Subject: Re: Word-vomit shame
Izzy,
I just reread your last note.
What kind of name is Argos? Did you spell that correctly?
Why does it matter if you’re ridiculous? It’s an online relationship. This is one of those times where you can be authentically yourself and not worry about how it comes across. In fact, it sounds like the perfect way to start the possibility of a lifelong romance.
You don’t have to worry about making a fool of yourself in front of him when you spill a milkshake down the front of your blouse just before going onstage for dress rehearsal for your debut partas Flower Girl #1 and then watch him cozy up next to the girl who beat you out of the lead role of Eliza Doolittle.
See? I bet you’ll never have something like that happen with an online relationship. (I recognize my comment about authenticity may sound hypocritical since I still have my Julie Andrews profile photo up, but, as an actress of stage productions, I realize the crazies that are out there. In fact, I’m on stage with a few of them.)
