Page 51 of This Is War: All's Fair Duet
So, we’re on the field, warming up now.
Game starts in 20.
Call me, would you?
I need to hear your voice.
It makes me feel like shit that I hadn’t called—haven’t said a damn word—and the texts had stopped coming in after that… even after the game was over and the team was at a hotel for the night because of the shitty weather. I am nervous as fuck about how Logan and Jaxon managed their stay in the same room.
Then, like an idiot, I’d added another heap of trouble to my plate with that video call with Jaxon. There is a massive battle being waged in my head and in my heart. The Logan I want to believe in versus the Jaxon I’m only beginning to know but that I like very much. In completely different ways, they each give me what I need. Jaxon has a knack for taking my mind off things. He’s funto be around. Exciting. Logan is like a soothing balm to my soul. So kind and caring. My person.
How I’ve gotten myself into such a tangled web, I don’t fucking know. When Jaxon kisses me, I feel a fire inside me. And Logan, he was all my wildest dreams coming true… until the nasty dose of reality Hazel had given me.
I don’t regret the video call. It’d been hot, and my mind had been relieved of thinking about what to say to Logan. And like some twisted weirdo, I’d wondered what would happen if Logan had come back to their room in the middle of all that. That had me so turned on, I couldn’t help but comply when Jaxon asked me to show him what he’s been missing. That half-hooded, smoldering gaze of his had been my undoing. I couldn’t see anything from the middle of his abs down, but from the way the muscles in his arm were flexing and contracting, he had to have been jerking off to the sight and sound of me touching myself.
But then… reality had steadily crept back in. I really like Jaxon, but his relationship with Logan makes this so difficult, I don’t know what to do. Or why I feel like this toward not one but two men. Because, until Hazel put shit into my head, I fully admit to myself—I’d wanted them both. But now she has me questioning what lengths Logan would go to in order to ensure Jaxon can’t have me, even though in my heart, I don’t believe it to be true. My gut twists angrily as I continue to process.
Even so, I trust Hazel’s opinion… and what if her instinct is right? Even if Logan had nothing to do with the upending of our room, there’s no way he’ll go for me continuing to see Jaxon. Either way, the writing is on the wall—there is bound to be some fallout, and I’m terrified I’m going to lose the best friend I’ve ever had, all because we let this get messy. The cracks in my heart only grow and spread with every second that passes.
I’ve fucked everything up by thinking it’d be a good idea to be with Logan as more than a friend. We never should have crossed the line. It was really stupid of me to go there. Groaning, I let out a nervous breath. I need to talk to Logan in person.
I poke my head into the hallway, then slip down to his room. I’ve just raised my hand to knock when the door flies open. Logan’s face registers mild surprise when his eyes land on me.
“Rya. Where’ve you been?” He rakes one hand through the tousled mop of hair on top of his head, peering steadily at me for a few moments before wrenching his gaze away. His tongue slips out to wet his lips. “I’ve been texting you.”
“I—” My gaze darts behind him to Levi, who’s sitting at his desk. Swallowing convulsively, I murmur low, “I need to talk to you.” I want to ask him about the game yesterday and how he felt, but I don’t know how to dothat with everything else weighing so heavily on my mind.
“Um, yeah. Okay.” Logan reaches out, takes my hand, and tugs me into the room. I glance at Levi, but he has his earbuds in and is drawing on his iPad. I really wish he weren’t here. My thick throat doesn’t allow me to voice that thought, though, so I glance from him to Logan and back.
Logan leans close. “He can’t hear us. Watch. Levi.” Then louder, “Levi!” Nothing. Not even a hint that he’s aware of Logan calling his name. My friend—though how much longer I’ll be able to call him that remains to be seen—gives a subtle shrug.
Even if Levi is occupied, I’m hesitant to speak. This definitely isn’t a conversation for anyone else’s ears, so I swallow, then step closer to Logan. Reaching for his hand, I take it in mine, and… he smiles. My heart can’t handle it. It throbs in viciously sad beats inside my chest. I blink up at him through a sheen of tears.
Logan stares curiously into my eyes, watching the play of emotions on my face as a cloud of concern falls across his. “Rya? You’re scaring me.” I try and fail to form words. My chest rises and falls quickly, a sure sign of my anxiety over the entire situation. My skin feels so tight it could burst, and I bite down hard on my lip, swaying towardhim, because despite all the confusion of the last few days, Logan is my safe space.
Out of nowhere, and with his back still turned to us, Levi growls, “If you’re gonna fuck, could you warn me so I can get my stuff and go to the shower?”
My brows shoot up, and I suck in a sharp breath.What the hell?Logan shoots me a pained apology as he mutters, “No fucking, man. Just talking. Didn’t know you could hear us.”
“Sure could,” Levi chuckles humorlessly, without looking at us. “By the way, when I walked in the other night, it smelled like hot sex and bad decisions in here.”
Heat infuses my face, and the tightness in my chest is nearly unbearable.Oh my god.It smelled like sex? I squeeze my eyes shut as embarrassment flashes through me, causing my to ears buzz.
Logan exhales harshly, “Fuck, man. Could you be any more blunt?”
Plucking his earbuds from his ears, he shoves them in his pocket before setting the iPad on the desk and pushing to his feet. “Nah. I call ’em like I see ’em.” He finally turns with a shrug, eyeing the two of us. “And you can’t tell me I was wrong. I see it written all over your faces.” He wets his lips as he grabs a towel hanging off the rack on the side of his wardrobe. “I think I’ll go shower anyway, despite your insistence that there’s nothing between you. Besides,seems like some sort of awkward conversation is about to happen.” With that, he throws the towel over his shoulder, grabs his shower caddy, and walks out.
Cringing internally, I wonder how he sussed that out, because he’s not wrong, even if Logan hasn’t figured it out yet. My stomach pitches in my abdomen with everything I need to say to him.
Logan sighs, bringing up a hand to cup my cheek before tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Sorry about that. Levi is just?—”
I grit my teeth against the inevitable. “Levi. It’s fine. It’s just embarrassing that he knew.”
His blue eyes connect with mine. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll get over whatever his issues are. He’s been cranky as hell lately, so I don’t think that even had anything to do with us.”
I nod stiffly as he cups my shoulders to pull me to him, and at the last second, I hold out my hand, bracing it against his chest. The way he’s looking at me. I can’t. I can’t.
Sucking in a breath, I tear my eyes from his and blurt, “I think we should just be friends.”
