Page 50 of This Is War: All's Fair Duet
Miserable company. That’s what I am. And a shitty friend, too. I’ve kept more than one thing from her lately.
I wet my lips, then let out a sigh at the way her brows are pinched together. “I’m not up for the dining hall right now. I’ve got protein bars in the room.”
Not bothering to mask her irritation, Hazel folds her arms over her chest. “No way. Not good enough. Talk to me. I know it can’t just be the whole situation with our room. It’s my room, too, and I’m not freaking the fuck out over it.”
Staring into her blue eyes, I’m at loss for what to tell her. I know she’s trying to be a good friend, and I feel like shit that I haven’t shared, well, anything. “I… um.” Pausing, I expel a harsh breath and try again. “Logan—” How do I say this? The gut-wrenching conversation we had yesterday when I returned to our room after being with him drifts through my head, mocking me and making my heart sink with every word.
“Rya. I’ve gotta run something by you that occurred to me last night. What if… what if Logan did this?”I’d looked at her as if she were crazy. But then, she’d continued.“You two have been… estranged. He knows you’ve been hanging out with Jaxon, and he’s gotta hate the idea of it, right? Well, what if he thought this was a surefire way to get you to come running back to him?”
And I had. Right into his arms… and into his bed. My mind doesn’t want to wrap itself around her theory. I’ve been so torn ever since she brought it up that I haven’t reached out to Logan at all. Unease flows through me as a sick feeling wrenches my stomach. No wonder I can’t fucking eat. I don’t want to believe it. But what if she’s right?
Hazel tilts her head to the side, her eyes assessing me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. “Just spit it out, Rya.”
Blood pounds a steady, taunting rhythm in my head. “I-I slept with him.”
“I know you did. You told me you stayed in his roo—” She halts, her eyes turning into wide circles of blue. “Wait. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
My voice comes out raw and shaky. “W-we had sex. I had sex with him.” Just saying the words has my face flaming and my skin prickling with sweat despite the chill in the air. I press my hands to my cheeks and open my mouth to continue, but without knowing what else to say, I snap it shut again.
Hazel stares at me, the disbelief plain on her face. “Oh,shit.” She covers her mouth with a few fingers, her study of me intense. Blinking rapidly, she finally groans. “Oh god. And then I told you I thought he was the one to fuck up our room.” She pauses to suck in some air before continuing. “Why didn’t you say something?” Freezing in place, she points at me accusingly. “Oh. My. God. Did you really pull a muscle and that’s why you were dancing all awkward-like… or was that just a convenient cover forIdevirginized myself and my lady parts got scrambled by Logan’s dick?” When all I do is shrug, she smacks at my upper arm.
“Ow!” My brows pinch together as I stare at her. But, she’s kinda right. My aching muscles have been giving me a not-so-subtle reminder of every second I’d spent with my body naked, pressed against Logan’s. I never knew it would be like that and?—
“Holy shit, are you in cock shock or something?”
My eyes squeeze shut for a count of three before they pop open. “W-what?” It’d already made me nervous to bring this up, but her question takes me to another level.
“Cock shock, Rya. When it’s so big you hardly know how to deal with it, so you go into a state of shock.”
I scrape my teeth over my bottom lip, searching her face for any sign that she’s pulling my leg. “You made that up.”
Hazel rolls her eyes. “Did not.” Her nose wrinkles, and she catches the corner of her mouth with her teeth. “So… was it”—she lowers her voice conspiratorially—“really big?”
I huff out a breath as the churning in my stomach resumes. “The size of his dick has nothing to do with what’s wrong with me. I think you’re missing the point.”
“If you say so.” She nibbles on her lip as we begin walking again. “So, whatisthe point, then?”
“We haven’t spoken since it happened because I’m confused and nervous.” And … she put doubt in my head, and it makes me feel awful for even considering Logan would do that to my room just to drive me back into his arms.
“Is that because you think I’m right?” She arches a brow.
I shake my head, whispering softly, “It’s because I’ve made a terrible mess of everything, and now we won’t ever be the same again.” It’s because my heart is breaking.
A while later,I’m in my room getting ready to head to class when I hear a door open and close down the hall. I glance at my phone, reading through the texts that’ve come in from Logan since the night we were together.
Hey, Ry.
I just woke up, and you aren’t here.
Wishing you were still in my bed.
Then, even though he hadn’t heard a peep out of me—because I was wigging out—he sent another.
Getting on the bus to head to BBU.
Talk soon? You okay?
He’d tried to reach me one more time before the game. I draw in an uneven breath as I read the confusion in each word he sends.
