Page 2 of Forgotten Vows
Raisa had been out of my life for years. She hadn’t been near me despite our being at odds with each other.
She was just gone.
And I hated every second of it.
“You know what I mean,” he replied, exasperated. “Ever since Luka and Gabriella got over their fight and resumed being the lovebirds of the family, you’ve been quiet. Broody.”
I shrugged, not bothering to fight his accusation on that point. “I’m not jealous.”
“No, no.” He rubbed his jaw, pensive as he stood with me and watched Misha smiling at Andre and teasing the baby to grab his fingers as he waved them at him. “You’re not jealous. Notofthem.” We all loved Uncle Luka and we’d all come to accept Gabriella into our family. None of us would wish them ill. “But perhaps jealous that it couldn’t be you and Raisa.”
I groaned lightly. Just hearing her name aloud still hurt.
“See?”
I faced his profile, frowning. “What do you want?” I asked, done with this introspective chat and eager to hide back in a hole at my house. It seemed lonelier and bleaker with every passing day, but there was no helping that. Just like how that gaping open hole in my heart never stitched back together, I felt like I was half of a man.
“To see if I can help you.” Alexsei didn’t baulk at facing me, looking me in the eye and letting me see that he cared.
“There’s nothing you can do to help.”
“I doubt that.” He patted my back. “We are family. And family helps family.”
That mantra was also ingrained into my soul. I’d always be able to lean on my cousins, both Alexsei and Emil, Luka’s son. I could rely on Luka, too. Even Gabriella, indirectly. Family was everything in our slice of the world despite the violence we were known for orchestrating as we ruled.
But nothing could happen to makemyfamily come back to me.
“Look, I’m just upset about missing out on being a father.”
He smiled. “Hell, Luka just turned fifty and he just welcomed another son into the world. You’re not that old yet.”
I wasn’t. At only thirty-five, though, I could’ve had several children by now. Namely, a son or daughter about seven years old, a baby Raisa could’ve given me.
Aggravated again, I sighed and picked up my glass before belatedly remembering it was already empty.
Dammit.
Even if some were in there, it wouldn’t have done anything to improve this conversation.
“If you’re trying to imply I still have time and can find someone?—”
“I’m not that stupid.” Alexsei shook his head. “No one would get far in telling you to find a woman to settle down with when you’re still clearly hung up on Raisa.”
At least he had that much common sense.
“The way I see it, there are two options. You either stay single, alone, childless, and miserable forever because no one else will do. Or you find her and make her yours.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He exhaled a long breath. “So what if it’s not simple? If you miss her and regret losing her, then do it. Find her. Ask her to take you back.Makeit happen.”
“I’ve looked for her. You know I have. It might not be possible to make a reunion happen with the way I left her.”
Summoning the memory of how I’d broken up with the one woman I’d thought I’d be with forever induced a rise of bile in my throat.
“Wait. You think that because of the way you broke up?—”
I growled again, pissed to even talk about this. “I didn’t fucking break up with her. I didn’t have some stupid fight like Luka and Gabriella had. I walked away with nothing but the odds of her hating my guts for all eternity.” And, damn, did I loathe myself for how I’d had to handle it.
