Page 3 of Forgotten Vows
“Because of what’s-her-name?” Alexsei furrowed his brow. “Fuck, I seriously can’t even remember her name now, that’s how insignificant she was.”
“Serena,” I bit out. “I walked away from Raisa because I was with Serena.” Just thinking about that actress pissed me off more. She had been insignificant to me, too.
“Serena. That’s right.” He crossed his arms again and gave me a long, no-nonsense stare. “I’ve never believed for one fucking second that you were actually with her, man.”
I shrugged, refusing to answer that one way or another. He could think whatever he wanted. It wouldn’t change a thing.
“Were you?” he asked. “Because you kept claiming that you’d slept with her and cheated on Raisa, but it never seemed like you and Serena were even together enough to make that story work.”
“You know what?” I set my glass down. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“You haven’t wanted to talk about it for almost eight years.”
So?“You said I have two options, huh?” I retreated a step and rubbed the back of my neck. Tension had set in there. The longer my cousin tried to prompt me to talk about the darkest days of my life, the more I felt claustrophobic and trapped. Stuck. And slowly dying.
That was how visceral missing Raisa was.
My soul was crushed and pulverized to dust every second she was on my mind.
No, I wasn’t proud of how I’d walked away from her.
But I had.
And I was forced to live with those circumstances.
“I guess it looks like I’m going with option one then. Lonely, miserable, and a drag.”
“No.” Alexsei chased after me, wincing with regret. “Don’t go.”
I held my hands up. “I can’t stand to be here right now.”
“Ivan. Stop. You can’t run from every conversation about her. And you can’t deflect every time someone asks you about why you gave Raisa up for Serena. I never believed that story and?—”
“Then don’t believe it.” He shouldn’t, anyway. Because it was a lie. Serena never could’ve replaced Raisa. No woman ever could’ve stood in for my true love. But that was the act I’d needed to put on when I saw how clearly Raisa and I couldn’t be a happy couple in love forever, like Luka and Gabriella were now.
One more glance at them with baby Andre was like a knife to the heart.
Their love was palpable.
Their fondness and respect for each other was unmissable as they sat together and smiled and laughed at Andre.
Fuck. I have to get out of here.
It was getting to be too much, witnessing love and knowing I’d never have it again.
As I turned to leave, walking away from the party and celebration, I realized that I seriously needed time away to better reflect on how I’d lost the only woman I’d ever wanted from the depths of my soul. How to get over the loss of the only woman I’d ever want.
Raisa.
The woman I’d forced to hate me.
No matter where she was, I knew that would be the constant I could expect.
Raisa would never forgive me for how I’d left her.
And I wouldn’t forgive myself, either.
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