Page 1 of Forgotten Vows
1
IVAN
Blue streamers hung from the ceiling, but it was the gold and maroon cake that captured my eye the most. My uncle’s home didn’t often show an array of color or festivity like this, but that was all changing.
So much was evolving.
Too much was shifting.
Not all these things were new, either, and that was what hurt the most.
My uncle Luka and his new wife Gabriella were hosting a sixth birthday party for my cousin’s boy, Misha. And every time I spotted the young kid, I fought back regret.
I could’ve had a son about his age now.
Luka and Gabriella’s infant, Andre, was sitting up on Luka’s lap. He was such a bubbly, smiley little boy that each time I noticed him and marveled at how much older he already was, more sadness crept in.
That could’ve been me, holding my child.
It didn’t matter where I looked or what I tried to refunnel my thoughts to, the pain of my memories restrained me from being happy and living in the moment. Sure, I was glad for mycousin, Alexsei, having the opportunity to celebrate his son’s birthday among the family here. After the loss of his wife, Alexsei deserved all the brightness in life that he could find. Misha was a bold ray of sunshine like that. Perhaps it might’ve been strange to think so optimistically when we were all loyal members of the Dubinin crime family, but it was true. I knew without a doubt that Misha would develop into a fine young man who’d make us all proud.
And I was, of course, happy for Luka and Gabriella to have made up and forged their own happiness as a newly married couple with a baby to make their new family even bigger. My uncle had also lost his wife many years ago, and this second chance with a younger love was ideal for him.
While I was glad for them all, it hit too close to my heart how I didn’t fit in with that glee and joy.
Because I losther. The One. Theonlyone.
I picked up my drink, but halfway in the lift to bring it to my mouth, I remembered that it was empty. Scowling, I set it down.
Drinking wouldn’t combat this depression, anyway. Calling this funky mood depression was probably overkill, but I knew enough that alcohol couldn’t numb or remedy this gaping hole in my heart.
It was just that much harder to ignore or fight now. With these examples of fatherhood around me, of a new couple being so in love, it was nearly impossible to keep my head screwed on straight.
“Hey.”
I raised my brows as Alexsei approached me from the side. Even though we were inside Luka and Gabriella’s home in New York, the huge mansion Luka called his “fortress in the city”, it wasn’t wise to ever lower my guard this much. Soldiers surrounded the place. Cameras served as backup security. No one would trespass in here and crash the party. Still, it wasingrained in my soul as a high-ranking Mafia man to always be on.
Not good.
It wouldn’t ever be wise to be so entrenched in my sorrow and reminiscing on what could have been to the degree I wasn’t aware of my surroundings. Alexsei likely hadn’t tried to sneak up on me, merely approaching, and he’d caught me off-guard.
“Hey,” I replied. “It looks like he’s having a good time.” What six-year-old boy wouldn’t when his superhero-themed party was in full swing?
“And it looks like you’re not,” he replied.
I sighed, hating that he’d be able to pick up on my mood and assume I wasn’t interested in being here. I was. It was just hard.
“Talk to me, Ivan.” He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.
He, too, seemed fixated on staring at the massive cake. Garishly bright red frosting clashed with neon yellow, like an eyesore of a sugar bomb when the norm was gourmet food here.
“What’s there to talk about?” I replied, loathing to have my most perceptive cousin attempting to peel back my layers. It’d taken me a long time to slap on all these layers and mask my heartache, and I needed them to keep me from going insane over what I’d lost. Over what I’d walked away from.
“Oh, I don’t know…” He shot me a sarcastic smirk. “Maybe how you’ve been glum and pulling away ever since Luka and Gabriella got back together.”
I huffed a weak laugh. “Got back together?” It was my turn to give him a look. “They were never apart.”
It was true. Luka had taken Gabriella as a payment for her father’s debts. Since the day we helped capture her and bring her here for him, she’d been a permanent fixture in this home. As the boss of the family, Luka decreed that she was his and she would stay here with him. Noifs,ands, orbuts about it. She’dnever left, not even after she discovered she was pregnant and hid that news from him. He’d kept her here, staying near her, but it wasn’t until right before baby Andre was born that they made up and finally got over their fight. I knew that was what Alexsei meant, but his words were like salt in the wound for me.
