Page 51 of Hiding Rose
I swallowed and held back the tears threatening to fall. “It’s always going to be like this?” I whispered, my frustration evident in my voice. “The other doctors told me it would heal over the next year. I have four months left before it has been a year.”
The doctor hung his head. “Unfortunately, we call it practicing medicine because it’s unpredictable and we don’t know for sure how someone will respond to treatment. Everyone is different. The damage to your leg was extensive. I’m honestly surprised you’re even walking on it, and it takes a lot to surprise me. You should be proud of the work you’ve put in to rehabilitate it thus far, and your determination to keep finding ways to stay active even with the limitations,” he said, pointing at the brace.
Sawyer put his arm around my shoulder and held my face, kissing my temple. He could tell how upset I was. “Is there anything else we can do?” he begged. “Anything to make her more comfortable or have less pain. She’s in intense pain a lot and it’s hard to watch.”
The doctor nodded and sighed. “I know. I wish I had better news or I could snap my fingers and make the whole thing go away, but I can’t. I believe an increase in nerve medication and the massage therapy will turn the pain around, though. Has the brace helped with your pain at all?” he asked me.
I stayed resting on Sawyer’s shoulder when I answered. “It has. I can stay upright longer and work without collapsing as frequently. If I wear it, I can even walk on the beach if Sawyer supports me.”
“Excellent, I’m happy to hear it’s made such a difference. I’m going to recommend a more extensive brace, but the foot part of it will work the same as what you have.”
I sat up and folded my hands. “So it’s bigger, or?” I asked.
“It’s bigger, yes, it will go from your hip to your foot.” He lifted the brace from the floor and held it. “Where this one is called an AFO, the one I’m going to prescribe is called a HKAFO, hip, knee, ankle foot orthotic.”
“It will go the full length of her leg?” Sawyer asked.
“Exactly,” he agreed. “It will support her hip, thigh, knee and foot, which will decrease her pain because the damaged and scarred muscles will be supported. It will also keep the foot from everting when she walks. I’m going to ask that you work with a friend of mine in Maui. He’s been trained in HKAFOs and has multiple different kinds. He’ll find the least obtrusive, but most supportive brace for your situation. When he’s done, you’ll hardly know you have it on, I promise you.”
Sawyer spoke before I could. “We’d appreciate a referral to him.”
I nodded. “If you think it’s best then I’ll do it. I shouldn’t have let Gideon bring my hopes up. It’s just, he was so confident, and…”
The doctor shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver on whatever he told you I could. He means well, but doesn’t understand the extent of the damage to your leg. I can’t magically repair the damage a bullet like a Hydro-Shok did. Those bullets are destructive to human flesh in a way we may never understand in the medical field. I don’t have super powers, even though when I see patients like you, I wish I did. We can decrease your pain significantly, and make the leg more functional, though. You can still lead an active, happy life, once you find a routine to keep the leg supple. The key here is preventative measures. The intense pain you have right now is from your damaged muscles being stressed to their breaking point. Once we correct the mechanics of how you walk, and teach the nerves to stop firing at the wrong time, you’ll have significant relief. I wish I had better news for you, but I’m not one to sugarcoat the inevitable. You’re a strong woman evident by the fact you walked in here on a leg as mangled as yours is. I can see you’re determined to live your life regardless of what this animal did to you. A positive attitude is the biggest piece of the puzzle. You’ve got it to spare. You’ll feel like a different woman in a few months when we have the pain under control, you’re sleeping better, and you’re expending less energy to stay mobile. Okay?”
I nodded, my hands twisted together on my lap so I didn’t cry. “I’ll keep trying to stay positive. I’ve lost a lot the last year, but I’ve gained more than I could ever dream possible, too. I’ll be okay.”
He patted my knee. “Of that, I have no doubt, Rosie. You have good friends and a man who loves you. You’ll find your way around this injury if you stay patient and flexible. I can tell you roll with the punches, even when those punches aren’t fair.” He swiveled on his chair and started typing on his computer. “I’m putting in the referral to my friends in Maui. They will call you to set up appointments for massage therapy and for the brace. I’m also sending a prescription to the pharmacy for a higher dose of your nerve medication. The directions on how to increase the dosage will be on the bottle, but I’ll also give you a print out with the instructions. Will you be able to come back in a month? I would like to keep close tabs on your progress, and make changes as we need to. You’ll have my direct number as well, and I want you to call me if the spasming gets worse, or if the sensation or weakness changes.”
I nodded, but only because I couldn’t speak. There was nothing more they could do and this was going to be my life now.
Sawyer held me, and answered. “Either Gideon or I will get her here whenever you need to see her. We just appreciate you seeing her so quickly. What if she does get worse? What are the options?”
He frowned. “I’m not one who likes to speculate, Mr. Kanki. All I can say is if the nerve situation gets worse or she begins to lose use of the leg, we will have to do new nerve studies. Right now, I don’t see any indication to do those for another six months, since you just had them done. I’ve been working with patients like you for a lot of years, Rosie. It’s my professional opinion that once you start wearing the HKFAO, you’ll experience improvement in leaps and bounds. Considering how much you’ve improved already, getting your pain under control, and your muscles working right, might be all you need to get over this hump. Usually, we see an ebb and flow in pain and function the first year after an injury such as this. You’re doing wonderful and your determination should be a lesson to all of us.”
“Thank you,” I said, my voice wobbling. “I don’t feel determined a lot of the time. Vindictive, maybe, but whatever works, right?”
He laughed and nodded. “You have my expressed written consent to be vindictive. You’ve more than earned the right. Are you comfortable with the plan? I know you’re disappointed, but I don’t want to give you false hope by doing expensive, unnecessary tests. They won’t tell us anything we don’t already know, and it only draws out the inevitable diagnosis.”
I sat up straighter and clasped my hands. “I appreciate your honesty more than you know. Gideon was absolutely certain you had a way to help me, but I’m not surprised your hands are mostly tied. I’m well-versed in the extensive damage to my leg and the diagnosis I’ll live with for the rest of my life. I understand the plan and I’m more than willing to do whatever you suggest. I’m thankful you have some other avenues we can pursue. I need relief. I can’t go on like this.”
Sawyer gripped my hand. “We won’t let that happen.”
Dr. Keoki pointed at Sawyer. “Exactly what he said. I know for a fact Gideon will give you some time off if you need it. Don’t push yourself or it will take even longer for you to get the pain under control.”
I laughed quietly. “I learned that lesson the hard way a few weeks ago.”
He nodded, a smile on his face. “Gideon mentioned they’ve moved you to a less physical position, which was the best thing to do. You’ll get through this with a little help from your friends.”
Someone knocked on the door and pushed it open, handing the doctor some printed pages. He accepted them and thanked the nurse. He swiveled back to me and showed me the paperwork. He pointed out the important information and the sheet with the instructions for my nerve medicine. The nurse had already made me an appointment for next month and I promised I would clear my schedule to be here. He assured me his friends in Maui would contact me before the day was over.
We all stood and I shook his hand, thanking him again. He hugged me and assured me it was no problem and he was happy to meet me. He promised to see me again in a month and we left his office. One of Gideon’s friends at the resort lent us his car and we planned to go shopping when we finished at the hospital. As soon as we were back in the car, I rested my head on the seat and he squeezed my shoulder.
“Let’s go back to the hotel for a few hours. I think you need some time to decompress before we go out in public.”
I nodded silently as he left the parking lot and drove directly to the resort. I fought the tears the whole way, knowing I had to get through the lobby and the elevator in full display of the public. I didn’t want people asking me if I was okay. I’m not okay. I will never be okay again. A sob escaped and I clamped my hand over my mouth. He parked in the underground garage and opened my door, lifting me out. Using the employee entrance, he carried me into the building, my face buried in his chest as he strode to the elevator. After a ride to the sixth floor he swiped open the door and laid down with me on the bed, without ever letting go.
“It’s okay to cry, Rose. I know you tried not to get your hopes up, but it’s human nature to have hope. We’ll get through this, together, and be stronger for it. Don’t be afraid to lean on me, and don’t hide your emotions. I wanted to cry sitting there, too. It broke my heart to know I couldn’t do anything to make this easier for you.”
