Page 52 of Hiding Rose
“You did, though,” I said through my tears. “You held me and answered his questions when I couldn’t. You did exactly what I needed you to do. You were here for me and didn’t insist on trying to fix something that can’t be fixed.”
He rubbed my shoulder as I snuggled into him. “I’m twice your size and I don’t have half the strength or determination you do,” he whispered. “You’ve been slaying your own demons, but at the same time, you’re always there for everyone else. You worry about Gideon and Kate’s business nonstop, you focus all your energy on the daycare and the kids in your care, and still find time to talk with anyone who seeks you out for encouragement. You get up every morning and it’s like you flip a switch. You’re determined to have the best day you can, regardless of your situation.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know how else to get from one day to the next, Sawyer. I’m afraid I’d drown in pity if I didn’t have the resort and the kids to keep me going. When I lost the baby, I curled up in a comatose ball for a full day. I had overwhelming guilt for not doing my job as a mother and protecting my baby. I guess now I overcompensate by wanting other people’s babies to get the best care possible.”
He hauled me up tight to his chest and kissed my forehead. “None of this was your fault. You couldn’t have protected the baby from Jarrett. He would have killed you if he’d had better aim, and your choices were limited. If you need to blame someone, it should be Jarrett. It’s his fault the baby died, not yours. He isn’t a father. He isn’t even human. He’s a monster, and you can’t defend yourself against a monster when you’re on the short end of the stick. I can’t pretend to understand what it’s like for a woman to lose a baby. I will never pretend like I do. I will say I’m forever grateful you were able to think on your feet and save yourself.”
“I saved myself, but for what? To have to hide for the rest of my life? To pretend like there isn’t a big red target on my head everywhere I go? To limp around in pain, and suffer with a deformity for the rest of my life? Logically, I knew,” I whispered, my voice thick with tears, “there wouldn’t be anything Dr. Keoki could do, but my heart still held out hope. I wanted him to fix me. I wanted to feel whole again. I realized when I saw the pity in his eyes, I would never be whole again. I would always be damaged. I don’t want you to be saddled with damaged, Sawyer. I love you too much to see you throw your life away on someone like me.”
He shot forward and grasped my shoulders, the expression on his face tortured and yet ecstatic. He held my chin in one hand, his gaze never wavering. “What did you say?” he whisper-asked.
“I said I don’t want to see you throw your—”
“Before that,” he whispered.
I rolled my eyes backward as I ran my words through my head. My eyes held his again and his were hopeful, his expression eager. He leaned forward and kissed me, his tongue as eager as his expression, and his lips as hopeful as his eyes. “Say it again,” he whispered, his lips still pressed against mine. “I want to hear you say it again.”
I moved my head backward and looked down at the bed. “You’ve missed the point,” I said, frustrated I couldn’t successfully get my thoughts across to him.
He shook his head, a smile growing on his face. “No, I didn’t, you have. If you love someone then you fight for them and with them. You forget about the past and search only for the future and how you want to spend it. You trust the person you love and know they’ll always be there for you, no matter what kind of physical condition you’re in. Last night, when I was crying out your name at climax, do you think anything but how beautiful you are and how amazing it felt to be inside you, went through my mind?” He paused for a minute and I finally shook my head no. He caressed my face. “You’re right, I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking about your leg when your breasts were pressed against me and your teeth bit into my lip as you slipped over the edge, your hips bucking against mine. Nothing matter to me in that moment except knowing how perfect we were for each other. And we are perfect for each other. You’ll never convince me otherwise.”
“No matter how hard I try?” I asked, wanting to tease him, but knowing it sounded like a desperate plea for him not to listen to my kind of convincing.
He held my face in his hands. “Not if you took out a billboard, or hired a plane to pull a banner. Maybe you didn’t plan on falling in love with anyone ever again, but here we are. The heart wants what the heart wants. I mean, you did introduce me as your boyfriend to Dr. Keoki.”
My mind traveled back to the conversation. I remembered how doubtful he had looked. I thought it was brought on by the doctor, but it had been my words. “I guess it was presumptuous to introduce you that way. I’m sorry if I overstepped or upset you. I wondered why you seemed off after I said it.”
His hand came up to caress my face. “You didn’t overstep. The look on my face was sheer joy that you could introduce me as your boyfriend without a thought. I want to be your boyfriend, Rose.”
I brought my arms up around his neck and kissed him. My tongue slipped in between his lips and teased his tongue back and forth. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, so I didn’t have to say it again. When we came up for air, I could feel his hardness pressing against me.
“Make love to me, Sawyer,” I said, my head falling backward.
His lips stilled on my chin and he tipped it down, his eyes meeting mine. “Say it again. Say it again and I’ll make love to you until I’m old and gray.”
“I’m afraid to,” I whispered. “I’m afraid to say it aloud and still lose you in the end.”
He laid me down, my arms still around his neck, and his lips on mine. “Only if you walk away, sweetheart. I’m here to stay.”
Painstakingly slow, he dragged my shirt over my head and my bra fell away, allowing him access to my breasts. He nipped and sucked, stroked, and rubbed, waiting for me to say the words he desperately needed to hear. He let my nipple fall from his mouth and shucked his shirt and jeans, his boxers tented painfully until I freed him from the cotton. He swallowed hard and moaned when I repaid the favor. His fingers tangled in my hair and he drew me away, back to the head of the bed. He settled between my legs, his lips back on mine until we were both writhing in need.
“Please, Sawyer. Make me feel the way you did last night,” I begged, wrapping one leg around his waist.
He raised up on his elbow and laid his finger on my lips. “I love hearing you beg, darling, but I’m still waiting for the right words.”
I squirmed under him and guided him toward me. “I can’t wait.”
He caressed my cheek and then froze, sucking air between his teeth. “I forgot, we’re out of condoms.”
“Screw condoms,” I moaned. “I trust you, Sawyer.” His breath hitched and he sucked hungrily on my breast until my back was arched into him and his tip sat at my entrance. His hand slid between my legs and when he touched me, I nearly fell apart. “You make me feel, Sawyer. For the first time in a year, I feel everything. I love you, Sawyer,” I cried, biting his shoulder as he plunged into me, his stipulations met.
