Page 31 of Chase
“I’m not taking any fucking chances of you escaping. If you try to run up to your hell hole I’m gonna yank you back so don’tsay I didn’t warn you. Also, you smell like a shitty asshole.” I swear my brother is so fucking dramatic.
“Thanks for noticing,” I say and open the door.
“That’s exactly what’s happening C, I’m noticing. We all are. Now sit your smelly ass down on the couch. See what happens if you try to get up.” He shoves me towards the sofa and I take a seat.
“I’m gonna go wake up Evie, she’ll want to be here for this,” Max says but A holds out his arm and stops him.
“Let her sleep. I don’t want her to hear some of this shit,” A says and Max pushes his arm away while a deep frown etches across his face. My brother might not know how to deal with his own shit when it comes to our sister but I can tell he still wants to protect her from anything remotely unpleasant.Including me at the moment.
“We’re not keeping shit from her so you can fuck right off with that,” Max says while taking the stairs two at a time and leaving an annoyed A behind to stew.
“I’ll get the coffee and your hot chocolate,” Monroe offers while walking by. A looks like he’s gonna smash his fist into the wall as his hands extend and flex into tight fists. He throws himself into the recliner chair, lets out a frustrated sigh, and starts picking at his pinky nail which has faded black sharpie colored over it. He’s dramatic as fuck.
“I don’t want to hide shit from her but I don’t want to see her upset either. And this conversation is not gonna make her happy that’s for fucking sure,” he says while gnashing his teeth together. He’s gonna give himself lockjaw one of these days with all the grinding he does.
“It may not make me happy but seeing him like this sucks too, so,” B’s voice startles both of us as she comes down the stairs with Max. He drapes a blanket over her shoulders and she wraps herself up before plopping down next to me. She loops her armwith mine and lays her head on my shoulder. I stiffen under her affection seeing her brown haired head leaning against my nasty ass sweatshirt that I’ve been wearing for literal days.
“What’s wrong?” she asks and lifts her face to mine. She’s chewing her lip and looks like she’s bracing herself for impact while she waits to hear my answer.
“It’s not you B, it’s literally me. I haven’t changed this shirt in days and you're leaning against it. I don’t want you to catch my cooties is all.” I try to lighten the mood but her face hardens up into a scowl mirroring A’s.
“Your old sweatshirt, your quote end quote cooties and whatever else is going on with you, won’t scare me away. I’m not going anywhere, Chase,” she says with a serious voice, air quotes and emphasizes my full name.
My sister means business which means I have no choice but to sit here and listen to whatever it is they all want to say. Thank fuck Monroe approaches with my travel cup and what I assume is hot chocolate. I wrap my hands around the stainless steel to give them something to do. I’m antsy and my knee starts to bounce up and down.
She places her hand over it and gives me a reassuring squeeze as Max sits down with two mugs of hot coffee. B’s is basically white with the amount of hazelnut creamer she likes with her side of coffee.
“We have about an hour before we have to go so let’s get this shit out in the open.” If we weren’t already awake, A’s commanding voice would’ve done it.
He raises his chin to Max who laces his fingers with my sister's other hand that’s folded in her lap. She moves her dark purple chipped nail polished thumb back and forth over his skin and he lets out a breath before starting.
“I’m worried about you, brother, you’re not yourself and you haven’t been for a while now.” Fuck that punches me right inthe feels. That’s the second time since I’ve been up that Max has gut punched me.Dammit.I don’t want him spending another minute thinking about me, all his attention needs to be on my sister. Not me, her.
“You don’t have to be worried, it’s all good. I’m fine, man,” I try to sound convincing to reassure him but my voice sounds as lifeless as I feel.
“You’re not fucking fine. You’ve been on this self-destructive path for a while now and lately, it’s been kicked up a notch. Your room’s a disaster, you stay the hell away from us, your attitude is shit, and the running is out of control. I hear you leave every morning at 4 AM and sometimes it’s even earlier than that,” Monroe throws in between gulps of his black coffee. How he drinks that sludge is beyond me.
“Then Saturday you drank your ass off and don’t even get me started on hockey. The only good thing about classes starting is that it’s gonna force you to get out of that disgusting room of yours and maybe back into a solid routine,” Jake adds while my sister, Monroe, and Max all nod their heads in agreement. Drew and my brother are quiet… too quiet. “Drink your hot chocolate, you haven’t touched it yet,” he adds with a pointed look that has me taking a sip and burning my tongue.Fuck that’s hot.
“You also forget to wash your ass,” my brother mumbles from the recliner.I spoke too soon.
“I showered Saturday and Sunday,” I tell him throwing my hands up in defense.
“You also missed your first class of the semester,” my sister sprinkles on top of this shit sundae.
“This gonna be a problem? Are you gonna start missing classes and end up needing a tutor like Hunt?” Monroe says and takes his life into his own hands when referencing A. The stoney glare he gives Monroe has the opposite effect though. Monroe just smiles back and blows him a kiss to piss him off.
“Stop looking for shit, everything’s fine. Seriously guys.” This is fucking exhausting and I want to go back to my bed before I’m forced out on the ice. It’s game day and we’ll have a light skate to get us loose for tonight but I really don’t feel like doing much else. I was already planning on skipping today’s classes and laying low until the last possible second. Even if Coach doesn’t play me tonight, I still need to show up.
“What part of me forcing you into the fucking shower translates to everything being fine to you?” A spits out. “Our sister’s nose was about to fall off her fucking face because of your rank ass,” A adds because he’s an asshole like that.Breathe outta your mouth if you don’t like how I smell then, dickhead.
“I think what Hunt is trying to ask…” Drew pauses and gives my brother a steely glare, which has A rolling his eyes and letting out a huff. “... is why you think all the things we’re concerned about are okay?” His words are dripping with empathy and I have to remind myself that he means well. He always does, they all do, but having this discussion won’t change anything.Why can’t they see that?
“What do you want me to say here? You want me to admit that I’m depressed, fine, I’m fucking depressed. There I said it. You guys happy now?” I pull my hood over my head and crouch down into the sofa. I stare at my outstretched feet and just like in Coach’s office, they fucking hurt like hell.All of this hurts like hell.Just let me be. Let the pain be. It’s my burden to carry.
“Concerned? Yes. Happy? No. You’re right, you are depressed and we want to try to help. Coach wants to help,” Jake says and I feel like I’m stuck underwater when he mentions Coach. His version of help is therapy but I’m not sure that will do any good. I’m broken into tiny shards and even if there was a chance I could be put back together, I’m not a good person. I’m not worth the effort.
It’s only a matter of time before I fuck up again. If someone else gets hurt because of my dumbass, I’ll never survive it. Sloane floats into my head and if anything happened to this gorgeous girl because of me, I’d never leave my room again. I’d stay locked behind that door for fucking ever. It would devastate my sister. The thought of me doing anything to cause Sloane any type of harm is so disturbing.
