Page 32 of Chase
I fly off the couch like my ass is on fire. My sudden movement is unexpected and startles my sister who jumps into Max’s lap with a yelp. Thank fuck Monroe put my hot chocolate in a cup with a lid.Smart thinking, He knew I wouldn’t even be able to handle a goddamn mug.
“What good is any of that gonna do? You know what Coach said to me? That if I wanna keep playing and keep my scholarship then I have to go to therapy. He’s making me do it. How the fuck is that gonna make any of this better?” I shout my words and see my sister wince in Max’s arm which makes me feel like an epic asshole and earns me a death glare from my best friend. I take a deep breath before continuing. My brother looks like he wants to jump in but I level him with a look and he stays quiet for once in his life.
“I’m glad it’s working for you B, but I don’t think it’ll help me. This is just how it’s gonna be from now on,” I tell them with a softer voice while looking at my sister.
“Coach isn’t making you do anything, man. He’s giving you an opportunity to get some help and to feel better. Look, I did therapy after my mom passed. I was depressed too and it fucking sucks. I know it does. I also know you need some help after all the shit that happened last semester,” Jake empathetically offers and I watch his eyes briefly dart to B. This is what A was concerned about but she doesn’t look shocked by his words. If anything, her shaking her head in agreement lets us all know she’s come to the same conclusion.
I don’t like all of them looking at me. I don’t like being under that goddamn spotlight and microscope again, especially after yesterday in Coach’s office. I sit back down and wish this damn sofa would swallow me up. I could disappear and spare them all from thinking about me again.
“Why aren’t you up his ass about this too?” I snap out.
“We’re talking about you right now. You’re fucking shit up for yourself with hockey, your body, and with Red.” A says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You should do therapy,” he adds and it’s like he smacked me across the face. He knew I tried a few years ago and that it wasn’t for me. Now he’s acting like all I need to do is pour my heart out to some professional and everything will miraculously be better.
“Yeah, you’re one to fucking talk,” I grind out and know I’m striking a match. A has a short fuse on a good day, but when he’s like this, it won’t take long for him to blow.
“What the fuck does that mean?” He raises from his seat and I do the fucking same.You wanna get into it, fine we’ll get into it.
“It means you’re fucking shit up for yourself too. You’ve let your relationship with B go, you disappear for nights at a time, you’re fucking anything in front of you, and you think a tattoo needle is therapeutic. When was the last time you spoke to Mom or Dad? Did you know Edison was released from that nursing facility? I bet you don’t because you have your head so far up your ass you don’t notice what the hell is going on around you. Don’t talk to me about fucking up my life when your life choices are fucking garbage, Hunter.” I’m so fucking pissed at him, I’m so goddamn upset that they all think I need help, all I want to do is run out of here.
He’s vibrating with anger and I could give a shit how he feels after coming at me with this bullshit. He’s just as fucking guilty as I am.
“Guys, take a fucking breath,” Drew says from the other side of the couch. We don’t spare him a glance. He may sound calm, cool and collected, but he’ll pull us apart if it comes down to it. It’s the exact opposite of the white hot flames flaring between my brother and me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Max maneuver B so she’s no longer on his lap and in the line of our fire, but safely wedged between him and the couch. Blocked from us. Her brothers who continue to put her in the middle of our shit.
“I see everything! I see you’re in so much goddamn pain and insist on hurting yourself every fucking day and pretend it’s working out. It’s not, your feet are bloody, you're exhausted, and you're punishing yourself. I see you barricade yourself in your filthy as fuck room because you think that’s what you deserve.
I see you letting your NHL dream slip away everytime you fuck up on the ice. I see you overcompensating for your relationship with Evie because you think if you kiss her ass things will be better between the two of you and that she won’t fucking leave. I see you calling Mom and Dad all the time because you’re convinced if you don’t they will fucking forget about you and abandon you like that birth vessel did.
You have a fucking hot girl in front of you and you’re so fucking scared of loving her that you push her away. Newsflash, asshole, you being with her isn’t going to fuck shit up for Evie. Or you. Or Red. It’s going to be the best fucking thing that ever happened to you.” He’s breathing heavily and looks like he’s about to punch something or put someone through a wall.
“Get your shit straight, Chase. I miss my fucking brother.” His final words ram into my chest harder than his finger does with each word he spits out.
I feel like him and the boys ripped me wide open and my guts are spilling out on the coffee table. I want, no I need, to get the hell out of here before I completely bleed out.
No one moves and all you can hear is the heavy inhale and exhale of A breathing as he recovers from unleashing all his pent up frustration with me. The sound of five alarms go off at the same time, indicating that it’s 5:30 A.M. and time to wrap this shit up and head to morning skate.
Without another word, he tears his eyes away from me, shifts his stare to our sister and slightly lifts his chin to her.
“I know she’s back,” he says softly to B.
“I may have heard a thing or two about that,” she says with a smile and the tips of his ears turn pink.That’s one of his tells.If I wasn’t so pissed, I’d be on his ass about whatever that’s about. But fuck him.
“You guys have five minutes and then we’re leaving,” Jake says from the door while slipping on his coat. He holds up his keys, “don’t make me beep the horn.”
“You know Daddy will leave your asses,” Monroe adds from behind him. He turns around with a smirking smile before winking at my sister who can’t hold back her laughter.
“You’re a dumbass, now get in the car,” Jake says while smacking Monroe in the back of the head.
“Jake definitely has Daddy vibes,” B says while giving Max a hug goodbye.
“I’ll show you Daddy vibes, pretty girl. Go back to bed, I’ll come wake you up before breakfast,” he says and I wish I had eyeball bleach to unsee the kiss and ass grab he gives her. No brother should have to see most of the shit they do.
“Dude, she’s still my fucking sister,” A yells while hopping on one foot trying to get his sneaker on.
“And your sister’s hot,” Max says between kissing B like he’s headed to the other side of the planet instead of the other side of campus.
“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” A grits between clenched teeth when Max releases B.
