Page 8 of Opening It Up
“It doesn’t mean I love you any less,” he whispered. “Love is an infinite resource.”
What was I supposed to say to that?
If I wanted to keep him, there was only one option.
CHAPTER 4
Lily-Mae
“If you want to, fine.”
“If you change your mind, just tell me,” he hastened to reassure me. “I want us to have open communication with each other. But I thought we could commit to a three-month trial first.”
“That sounds fine,” I said, dropping my eyes and sliding past him quickly into the shower.
I heard Harley whistling as I scrubbed up, tears falling silently down my face as I washed my hair.
He was whistling because he was happy, because the whole idea was delightful to him.
Because he didn’t think it would be so easy to talk me into it.
But he had made it pretty damn clear with that podcast how he really felt.
My stomach cramped with nerves.
How was this even going to work?
After I showered, we got into bed together and put on one of our favorite classic horror movies, Harley bantering lightly back and forth with me as he always did. I tried to keep up, but inside I still felt numb.
This wasn’t enough for him.
“We can talk more about logistics tomorrow,” he reassured me, but I went to bed with a lump in my throat and a sick sinking feeling in my belly.
Every morning after dropping the kids off at school I taught Gentle Yoga classes on the first floor of his office building, and Harley and I would get lunch together afterwards at the café.
It was always nice. We tried new pastries or sandwiches together, talked about the kids, sometimes Harley even whipped out our favorite Pioneers of Swampguard board game.
Would he still want to do this if we had an open marriage?
Did it matter? He was bored. I was part of what bored him.
How depressing to realize instead of the happy marriage you thought you had, your husband was feeling like his majestic eagle’s wings were getting clipped by your expectation of monogamy.
As I waited that day in our usual booth at the café, the elevator dinged and Harley and another woman from the building got out, laughing together.
She was very beautiful, with sleek dark hair and sparkly makeup all over her body, and there was something in the space between them.
Would it be weird to ask to be introduced again?
I didn’t remember her name, but somehow, I knew it was important now.
There wassomethingbetween them, a crackling, shifting thing that made me feel sick to my stomach.
Harley’s walk was deceptively casual, the way he nodded his head to her as they parted.
But he still met my eyes.
Because they hadn’t done anything.
