Page 9 of Opening It Up
Yet.
But hewantedto.
He wanted to have an affair withherand not feel guilty about it. That’s what this was all about. Wasn’t it? I didn’t think I could bear it.
Harley sat down and began to tell me about an upcoming podcast guest, a man who was going to talk about toxic masculinity, but all I could think about was:
My husband wants to sleep with other women
Maybe once he slept with her he’d get it out of his system?
I came to a decision as I listened to my brilliant, charismatic husband talk, his strong tanned hands squeezing mine gently as he leaned forward to tell me excitedly all about this guest. If Harley wanted to do this, I was in.
But not if this was all about fucking this one particular woman.
Now I didn’t have any intention whatsoever of going on dates with other men. I loved Harley and we had a very satisfactory sex life.
I was just going to go along with this and ride it out until he got over it.
And what if he doesn’t?I wondered, my anxiety clawing at me.
What if he decides he lovesher?
Well, one thing at a time.
I would agree to this on one condition.
“Who was that woman you were with?” I asked, my voice coming out with a croak.
Harley raised a dark eyebrow at me as he cut his Reuben in two.
“Makayla?” he asked. “She works in the building.”
He met my eyes with cool directness. There was nothing in his blue eyes or strong jawline to show that he was lying. But I just felt I needed a little more reassurance.
In 17 years together, I hadn’t ever distrusted a thing he had said.
“About what you suggested yesterday,” I said, trying to calm my wildly beating heart.
My voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.
“It’s not about having sex with Makayla, is it?”
I played with the handle of my mug.
My foolish heart couldn’t help leaping with hope. Could Harley see that I didn’t really want to do this? He would back down now, agree it was a foolish idea.
But he didn’t.
“Absolutely not.”
“No?”
“Absolutely not,” he said firmly.
I breathed a quick sigh of relief.
At least it wasn’t that. I felt like I could handle anything but that.
