Page 40 of A Twist in Fate
“Goodnight sunshine.” That breaks me completely. His voice is quiet but I make out the words, easily. It ruins me. I wish I had fully known how much being with him would change me. How much it would change my life. I wish I could restart this summer but maybe if I could I still wouldn't change any of the events I have lived. The privilege to love someone is the highest above any other. I am so privileged to love Bailey and Lucas in completely different ways. I am so lucky to have gained the friendships of all five of them. I am so lucky to have had this summer with them, no matter how much it hurts me and will forever haunt me.
The moment I shut the door behind me I fell onto the floor in tears. Bailey runs over to me, holding me in her arms. I think she asks me what's wrong and I think she tells me everything will be okay, but I honestly don't think I can hear anything. She holds me with warmth that she has always brought me. I think I am gasping for air as she looks me in my eyes, but the tears cloud my vision. I think I whisper her thank you as I walk with her over to the bed and we lay down.
Full consciousness finally comes over me when we sit beside one another huddled up in bed. I was feeling numb but right now I feel much better. We talk a little butmostly Bailey decides she should put on a movie and just sit in silence for a bit. I think it is definitely what I need. We are watching little women which once we had stayed up and watched together while on facetime. I smile at the memory. I move my head, so it is resting on her shoulder.
“Are you okay?” she says, moving her head towards me.
“Yes. I think I am just overwhelmed. I don't want to leave you both. I didn't expect this to hurt so much,” I say, my eyes are stuck on the film.
“I know but it's not over. You can come back, and I can come to you. We will always be best friends. Don’t tell my sister this but you will be my maid of honour, and I will be yours. Distance will forever be the only thing that separates us.” Her voice is wobbly as she speaks but her words warm my heart all the same. She is without a doubt one of the sweetest people on this planet. I love her.
“Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you,” I whisper.
“Lucky for you, you will never find out.”
CHAPTER 24
Ivy
Song 24
Scott Street – Phoebe Bridgers
19/08
The next day, I wake up. I pack up the last of my things, folding everything neatly away in its allocated space in my suitcase. I wake up Bailey. I get changed into the same outfit I wore here. Me and Bailey eat breakfast. I say goodbye to James as he leaves to go back to college. I brush my teeth. I slip on my shoes. Everything I do feels almost robotic. I'm barely thinking it through, and time is passing too fast. I can't focus on anything we are doing. It's like I have done it thousands of times. It's been quiet and I think almost everyone has left. Lucas did not come to breakfast with the rest of us. I think he's probably home by now. I think it's where he wants to be. It's weird. I thought this would hurt more. I feel numb. I think it's because I have accepted it. I have to leave. I was always meant to, and it is what I want. I think I wish everyone could come with me or I could stayand study here.
As I zip up and lift my suitcase, I notice the light gleam of metal on the nightstand. The golden yellow stone brightens up the room, beautifully, swirling the colour onto the wall, but not as brightly as the day he gave it to me. I take a deep breath as I slowly walk over to it. I pick up the necklace, placing the sunshine in my palm. I flip it over and run my finger over the grooves of the back.
I turn around at the sound of Bailey’s voice behind me. “Do you want me to help you put it on?” She's dressed in a comfortable outfit, like me, and her hair is in one loose braid. I think for a moment, staring back at the necklace in my hand.
“No. Maybe, you should take it,” I say, quickly.
“What?”
“It's just too hard. I know the gem is a family thing, but I can't be reminded of this every day. You can give it back to him.” She nods sceptically and picks it up from my hand, slipping it into her pocket.
She looks around the room and pulls up her suitcase from behind her. “Are you ready to go?” she asks with her hand out to me.
“Yep,” I say simply, and I pick up my suitcase and sling my other bag on my shoulder. The air is colder thismorning. It is probably the coldest it has been my entire stay. As we walk towards the car park, I notice a familiar truck parked next to Bailey's car. “Is he still here?”
“I guess so,” she shrugs, “I haven't seen him all day. I don't think he has left his room. He probably is waiting for us to leave.” I turn back for a moment as if he were there. He isn't. I knew he wouldn't be, but I wish I could just say goodbye differently to how we did. It hurts so much more than it needed to.
The car ride is quiet this time. We don't put on music. We barely talk. I just sit with my head facing the window, watching the trees turn into buildings as we come closer to the airport. It's still early so the sun is still rising in the sky. The clouds are darker, but the light still manages to pour through them, but much less than any other day.
“Is the sky usually this dark?” I ask as I roll down my window.
“Not in August,” she says looking through the windscreen to get a closer look it. It doesn't look as if it's going to rain, but the sun won't be out at lunchtime. It doesn't matter anyways. I will be on a plane by then. I look back at Bailey, and she definitely is also trying to distract herself more and more until we get to the airport.
“Are you going to be, okay? I can walk you further in,” Bailey says, almost in the exact same spot we were in when I arrived. I smile at her and watch the tears well up in her eyes.
“Of course, I am.” I pull her into my arms, hugging her tightly. Saying goodbye to Bailey is so much harder than I thought it would be. I am trying my best. I knew this was coming but it still is hurting the same and maybe even more. We will speak to each other every day. We will facetime most days, but I can't help but wonder if this is the last time we will be together face to face.
“I'm really going to miss you,” she says. I don’t realise we were both crying until I pull away.
“I'm going to miss you too. This has really been the best summer ever and that's completely because of you. I wish I couldn't or didn’t have to leave,” I reply, and when I do something passes across her face. She looks conflicted. “What?” I ask.
“Are you really sure about this? Is this what you want?” Honestly, I am not sure but it's what I have to do. I've been preparing for this for far too long. It will be worth it, and I will see her again. She's my best friend.
