Page 39 of A Twist in Fate
“I miss when it was easier to pretend,” she's whispering into my shirt, so the warmth of her breath brushes my chest.
“I know.” I look her in the eyes again, taking her chin in my hand to lift her face to mine. Her cheeks are damp, and eyes are redder. Her waves flow around her face and she's blushing still. She's so effortlessly gorgeous.
“Goodnight, blondie,” she says, and I almost laugh as she does. She only calls me that when we are together, and she slips into the version of herself that it feels asthough she has created this summer.
“Goodnight, sunshine.”
CHAPTER 23
Ivy
Song 23
Abby – Gracie Abrams
18/08
“Good morning girls,” I say, as I walk into their cabin. All three of them are already up, dressed and starting to pack all their belongings up. I think they are all excited to go home, especially because they all live nearby so they aren't having a difficult day, like I will be. The moment I woke up I could feel the dread build up inside me. I hate it. While I was asleep all night in Lucas’ arms, I feel as though I didn't sleep a single minute. Nevertheless, I continued my day as normal. I woke up, slipping away from his body, went to my room and changed for my run. I ran through the woods and towards the pier, watching the sun rise over the sky. I showered and changed again before walking over here to remind the girls that we have to go to breakfast soon. And that is it. We will walk back to the cabins and help them all pack up the last of their things. We will stand outside most of theday and wait for everyone to be picked up. Then we will go to dinner and then bed. I get one more night here until I leave. Mrs Miller offered for us to stay at hers tonight, but we agreed it would be easier because then I'd have to unpack and pack up all of my things once again. They are already packed up. My flight leaves at 12 tomorrow and I'm leaving for the airport at 9:30.
I hate thinking about this.
The girls smile up at me as I walk in and all three instantly run over to hug me. I smile as I try to manage to wrap my arms around the three of them.
“What's going on?” I say, and when all three of them pull away, Violet turns over to grab a piece of paper that is sitting on her bed. She holds it up to me and I take it from her. All three of them look as though they are buzzing with excitement as I look down at it. It's a folded piece of paper and glued to the front is a photo that Charlie had taken weeks ago. It is of me, Lucas and all six of the children after the colour wars covered head to toe in every colour of the rainbow it seems. Violet is sitting on Lucas’ shoulders like he had that day and the other five have determined looks on their faces. I'm staring directly at the camera, but Lucas’ eyes are on me. His smile stretchesacross his face and his eyes are crinkled. I feel my heart tighten.
I flip open the card and there lies a message from each of the children. They each wrote in different colours too.
I look down at the girls and I say, “thank you so much. I have had the best summer with you all. I hope we can do it again?”
“Yes please!” Daisy squeals, and then goes round me to leave for breakfast but then comes back for a moment. “Wait, did you read the back?” All three girls leave out the door within a single second, giggling and I flip the card over.
Right in the middle is a single, small message, in uneven handwriting.
‘If you marry my brother, can I be the flower girl? - Daisy’
I laugh and tears well up in my eyes as I read it over once again. I blink rapidly to stop them from falling. I don't think I can make it through the day let alone when I have to say goodbye to Bailey tomorrow. I wish I could afford to be here every weekend. I stand up, walking over to the door for breakfast. I'd do anything for these next two days to be different.
It has been a long day. All the children hugged me as we said goodbye and it hurt so much. Maybe I could come back here next year and see them again. Maybe not. After a quiet dinner, me and Bailey walk towards my room, hand in hand. Some of the adults have already left, including Alec so now we are already down to five of us. Alec had his moms, two sisters and older brother waiting for him and they all hugged him within seconds. Abby left earlier and now we are about to split from James and Lucas. They are behind us as we approach the steps of our cabin, and I can't decide if I'm supposed to turn around and say goodbye or run up the stairs and lock myself away.
Bailey stops beside me at the steps and whispers quietly, “I'll see you in a bit. Talk to him.” She squeezes my side before walking up the steps and waving a goodbye at the boys, who I thought were right behind us but as I spin around, I see James has already darted off into Lucas’ room. Lucas is standing in front of me, and I wonder if he was told to have this conversation toobecause he looks as if he doesn't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
I love him more than I thought was humanly possible. Telling him that would do no good at all. My heart is beating so rapidly in my chest I am not sure I can even feel it anymore. Why does he have to look so good?
He is only wearing shorts and a shirt. His hair is still the same messy style as the day before. His eyes are still the bright blue that captivate me the same way as they had the first day I had met him. The sun is hitting his face brightly, the incandescent glow covering him. Why do I feel like this over and over again? I can't take it.
“I should probably go inside soon. Bailey is waiting for me.” I think about spinning round to leave but he takes my hand as if he could sense that I might.
“Wait. Please,” he stops for a second. Holding onto my hand tightly. “I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I don't really feel like saying goodbye. It hurts. It physically hurts my heart to think of being away from you, Ivy,” he says quietly. I'm not sure if I have ever seen him like this. He's reserved and looks sad.
“I know.” I look down where our hands meet. His skin is soft and in the silent moment where it feels as nothing moves around us, all I can feel is the soft brush ofhis skin against mine. His thumb moves around my palms in small circles, tingling my skin. I move my hand away from his and move it up his arm. My skin brushes the fabric of his shirt, and I move my hand around his back. I pull him towards me, wrapping myself around him into a hug and he does the same effortlessly, like we've done it a thousand times. That could be true but no hug we have had has ever felt like this one.
This is desperate and longing. This is us trying to pretend it's not our last hug but we both know it may be. I pull away and he can't meet my eyes.
“I leave at 9:30. I don't know what your plans are—" I start out, he cuts me off.
“Maybe, it is best if I go home by then,” he says, and I feel it break something inside me. He can't spend another moment with me. He does not want to. This between us is officially over. In a way it was over from the beginning. He knows that. I should have known that.
“Okay. Goodnight, Lucas." I love you. I yearn to say it, but I can't. It is impossible. It is completely unfair. I turn away, not saying another moment to leave before the tears may fall. I practically run up the stairs and I can barely hear his whispered words as I open the door in front of me which reveals Bailey on the bed.
