Page 75 of First Impressions
Relief finally came when she heard her father’s voice from the living room, announcing a toast to the happy couple, which drew the guests out of the foyer and away from her. She went to follow the crowd and swayed on her first step.
Seriously?! You need a break before you make a fool of yourself. Go sit down.
Taking a deep breath and listening to her inner, sober self, she discreetly made her way over to her dad’s study which had been closed off from the party. She felt bad not being there for Jane, but her sister knew what she was going through right now;Jane would forgive her.Shutting the door behind her, she trudged over to the armchair in front of the gas fireplace and flipped the switch on. The bright flames, the only thing lighting the room, flickered as she let herself stare into them, entranced by the blaze, as her mind went blank and her senses tuned out all the commotion going on around her.
Hours passed. Or maybe it was just minutes. The fire (and probably the alcohol) had hypnotized her tumultuous thoughts, bringing a blessed calm over her mind as she sat. Her daze broke as a shiver ran up her spine in spite of how warm she felt. Remembering where she was and more importantly, where she was supposed to be, she stood up taking one last longing gaze at the hearth and wishing she didn’t have to go back and join the crowd. She began to turn slowly away from the fire, her glazed eyes moving slowly across the room. Her movements faltered and stopped short as she realized that she wasn’t alone.
Darcy.
They just stared at each other for a moment. Beth drank in the sight of him: a Greek God disguised as a businessman. His suit and tie a perfect fit; his hair perfectly modeled; the warm firelight reflecting over his handsome features. It was only the look of uncertainty in his eyes that marred his ideal image, that convinced her that he was actually standing there and not just a figment of her imagination.For the first time, he looked like he didn’t know what to say, instead of intentionally not saying anything.
The alcohol-emboldened her as she took a step towards him.
“Mr. Darcy,” she began, her voice only catching a little.
“Beth.” The longing in his voice was unmistakable as he moved towards her hesitantly.
She put her hand up, which halted him in his tracks, despair shadowing his face.
“I want to thank you,” she blurted out, needing him to hear this before anything happened between them. “I know that no one is supposed to know and I can and will respect your wishes but I have to tell you that you have my and my family’s deepest gratitude for what you did for Lydia.” She wouldn’t pretend like she didn’t know about the sacrifice he had made, even though he hadn’t wanted her to.
He was taken aback by her comment, relief, and confusion showing in his eyes. “Who told you?”
“Lydia let it slip to me that you were there and then I figured the rest out on my own,” she admitted.
“I see.” Momentary displeasure crossed his face when he heard how careless her sister had been.
“I’m sorry,” she forged on, “I know you didn’t want me to know, but knowing what I do now about George and everything that he’s put you through, I had to say something. I don’t know what would have happened to Lydia, what she would have done if George had left her or where my mom would be if you hadn’t found them - Lydia is her baby. I just,” she paused, “I just can’t imagine what possessed you to do such a kindness for us but thank you.” She fought back the tears that threatened to fall at just the thought of what her family had gone through and the relief that had come once Darcy had intervened.
“Of course. You aren’t a fool, Beth; you have to know that I did it only for you,” he said. Frustrated by her attempt to ignore what she clearly knew to be true, he ran a hand through his hair, destroying its perfect placement.
“I know,” she admitted softly, embarrassed to say anything more as a tear finally escaped down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I should let you get back to the party. Charles and Jane will be glad to see that you were able to make it tonight after all.”
She tried to walk past him swiftly but he reached out and stopped her.
“Wait, please,” he said desperately. “I need to know why you wouldn’t do it.”
“Do what?” Beth responded confused.
“Why wouldn’t you promise Anne’s mother that there was nothing between us? That there would never be anything between us?” She felt his rich, chocolate eyes were staring right into her soul.
“I just couldn’t,” she said honestly. “Not that it would have been a lie at this point but I couldn’t, wouldn’t willingly extinguish my last shred of hope.”
“Hope?”
Beth missed how that exact sentiment was echoed in his response as she was too wrapped up in what she had just admitted to him.
“Yes,” she let out a small laugh. “You were wrong, Mr. Darcy. You see, I am a fool.” She mocked herself as another tear slipped from her eyes.
Before she could move, his hand was cupping her cheek, his thumb wiping away the rogue tear.
“Beth, do you still feel the same way about me? Do you still see no possibility of a future between us? Because if you do, tell me now and I will walk away from your life for good,” his tone harsh, which she knew by now meant that he was fighting himself for control.
“I love you.” It was the only thing that she could say, her throat thick with emotion. She’d held her feelings hostage before to force his hand, but no more. Any future between them couldn’t be fueled by the need for control. “But how can you believe me now? After everything that has happened. How can it look like anything other than my gratitude for what you’ve done for Lydia and my family?” she said despairingly, trying to turn her face away.
He grasped her chin and forced her eyes back to his, “If you tell me that it’s the truth then that is what I will believe.”
“I truly love you, Darcy.”
