Page 76 of First Impressions
His mouth crushed hers and she relished and reciprocated his passion, grabbing onto his shirt, trying to pull him closer. He kissed her, teased her mouth and her senses until she felt drunker on desire than she did from the wine.
He pulled his mouth from hers and she whimpered at the loss. Resting his forehead against hers, they took several breaths to steady themselves.
“Beth,” he began hesitantly, “I’m not perfect. My need to control everything, including myself, is an addiction; one that I’ve fed for a long time; one that has been ingrained in me by my past and when I feel like I’m losing that control, there’s an anger in me that is unquenchable.”
She felt a chill pass through him just before he let go of her at the mention of his past; whatever happened clearly tormented him still.
“I know how I appear to the world but I’m pretty fucked up on the inside. I don’t know how to treat you the way you deserve,” he laughed harshly at himself. “Just look at how I took your virginity. I’m a fucking monster.”
“William,” Beth interrupted him, his name whispered on her lips. It was the first time she’d called him by his first name and the event cut off his self-denigrating train of thought.
“It’s ok.” This time it was she who reached up and cupped his face, forcing him to see the truth in her eyes.
“It’s not, Beth, and you shouldn’t be ok with it,” he said softly, “I still want to be with you, but I don’t know if I can change and be the man that you deserve.”
“No one is perfect, certainly not me either,” she said with a small smile, “But I love you and want to be with you and that’s what matters.”
“Beth, I would love nothing more than to marry you right now, but I can’t do that to you. I can’t knowingly commit you to a relationship with me when you don’t know me; you don’t know how I can be; you don’t know what I’ve done. It’s not right and I certainly haven’t done the right thing by you up to now, but I refuse to selfishly let that continue.” The anguish in his voice was palpable.
“It doesn’t matter, whatever it —”
“No, it does matter because you matter. You need to know all of me; you need to know what you are getting into.” He was determined. “I want you to move in with me for three months. I want to try to make us…make me… work. I need timewith you, to let you in. I haven’t done that in a long time and the last time, well, it was the last time for a reason.”
“What happens at the end of three months?”
“You decide whether you want to marry me or not,” he said matter-of-factly.
“But I know now that I want to marry you, nothing will change that,” she insisted.
“You don’t know that, Beth.”
“What if you don’t want to marry me at the end of three months?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“How come you get to say that and I don’t?”
“Because,” he began frustrated, but then, realizing that she had a point, continued more calmly. “Fine, intolerable woman. At the end of three months, we will both decide if this is something that we still want.”
“Please, you aretheMr. Intolerable,” she replied with a twinkle in her eye.
“Oh, you have no idea.” His response was part humor but with a hint of ashamed seriousness that Beth didn’t miss.
She reached up and softly touched her lips to his, a gentle seal to their promise. He groaned in response before pulling her to him and taking her mouth ravenously. A loud popping noise coming from outside the study startled them from the kiss. Both had forgotten about the celebration going on around them.
“We should get back to the party,” Beth said breathlessly, wishing she didn’t feel obligated to suggest it.
“No. We’re leaving,” Darcy informed her. “Now that you’re mine for the foreseeable future, I’m taking full advantage of you. Now.”
Beth raised her eyebrows at his demanding tone.
“Sorry. Please, can we leave now?” He asked softly as he leaned in to plant kisses all along her jawbone. “I promise to make it worth your while,” he whispered in her ear.
“Fine!” she laughed, even as the searing heat of desire burned through her body at his words. He began to kiss her again. “You are intolerable! Let’s go!” she acquiesced.
“I keep trying to tell you that your first impression of me wascorrect,” he said jokingly.
“And I keep trying to tell you that there’s a reason for second chances,” she retorted as they quickly and quietly made their way out of the house and into the future.
For a brief moment, a myriad of doubts crossed her mind - what would her family think? What was Mrs. DeBourgh going to do when she found out? She shook the thoughts from her head.Worry about that tomorrow.For tonight, she would enjoy her second chance at a happy ending.
