Page 170 of Falling Backwards
Noise comes from inside my apartment and makes us jump, surprises his hands off of me.I hear one of my friends call something to the other before some clanging sounds, likely from the kitchen.
I’m officially tired of things interrupting my moments with Luke.
But while our exchange of touches is ending, courage is rising up in me.
I turn around and face him, and I lose a heartbeat over how he really is just there, closer than he’s been for what seems like the longest time.As I finally look at him straight for the first time in just as long, my heartbeat goes so wild that it feels like my insides are made ofmillionsof butterflies.
He’s looking straight at me, too, in a way I’ve never quite seen him look at me before.
The closest I’ve seen was yesterday on his couch, after we admitted that we feel more for each other than we expected to.And I remember teenaged Luke regarding me with affection, but as vivid as those memories are and as true as it felt at the time, it was nowhere near what’s being fired at me right now.
Right now, his expression is an open ocean, undulating between gentle and intense, his eyes as full of longing as they are that perfect shade of blue.
Longing.
Sweet and smoldering at the same time.
I can see it.I canfeelit.
He isn’t angry with me.We didn’t mess us up.I….
More noise from inside the apartment.
My friends—I’m supposed to be reconvening with them.We have things to do together.I was only going to be with Luke for a little while.
The relief I felt about that back in the car is now trying to shift into unwillingness.
But it doesn’t matter whether I want more time with him.My plans have been set and they’re important.I have to go.
I open my mouth to say so, but he quietly acknowledges it: “You have to go.”
I press my lips together and nod.
He glances at them and makes all my butterflies flap their wings like crazy.
I wish those words weren’t the first to pass between us after all our silence.However, this last minute has given me hope that when we do get a better chance to talk, it won’t be a bad talk.
My own words are even quieter than his.“Can I call you tonight?”
“I’d fucking hate it if you didn’t.”
“It might be late.”
“I don’t care.”
I would dive into that look in his eyes if I could.I would dive in and live there.
God help me, I can’t imagine anyone else looking at me like that…and I don’t want them to.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He inhales slowly, and so do I.He glances over me, and I do the same to him.
Then he steps away.
I don’t want it.
But I keep my composure and collect my keys from the floor.
