Page 171 of Falling Backwards
“Have fun,” he says.
“Be careful,” I say back.
We hold each other’s gaze for a few seconds more before he starts walking away.As I finally head into my apartment, I notice the tension between us doesn’t alleviate at all.It just seems to stretch out.Even after I’m on the other side of the closed door and my friends’ various noises and bits of chatter reach my ears in full, part of me stays connected to Luke.
It, too, outdoes even the connection I treasured so much when we were younger.
Although my old resentment gets grazed like a poorly protected nerve, it only smarts for a moment.Then far more welcome emotions come sweeping through me, stirring good memories from earlier in the day, yesterday, the week, farther back.
My happy friends’ greetings join in and color these present moments lovely too.
And I can’t pay attention to anything else.
—
As the day has sauntered on, it’s been easy to share in Emma and Joy’s good moods, but I’ve noticed my jitters still hanging around.
I know a lot of it has to do with Luke, but part of it has to do with Kyle.I caught the girls up on what happened at the park (except for the kiss because I still don’t want to get into all that yet) and although we’re all hopeful Kyle will leave me alone now, the unease hasn’t magically disappeared.Was it a coincidence that he was at the park or did he follow me and Luke from my apartment?After I was back home, could he have followed me and the girls to the grocery store?Wouldhe have even after being stood up to?We were on the lookout for him just in case, and that isn’t exactly conducive to being chill.
Getting back home without seeing him or his white car made us feel better.I’ve been free to relax and enjoy our unhurried prepping of the Friendsgiving stuff we don’t want to have to deal with tomorrow.We’ve enjoyed a bit of wine and lots of laughs.We’ve talked more about our plans for this week and the cruise my parents are going on starting tomorrow; my friends are glad I’ll be sticking close to Luke, just like I am.
I’d say that last part reawakened my butterflies, but let’s be honest: they never really settled down to begin with.Every time Luke has crossed my mind over the course of the day, they’ve done everything from stir to flutter to come fully alive, depending on what my thoughts entailed.
It was even hard to relax into laziness in front of the TV.At the end of the day, after the girls and I had finished up everything we needed to do, we got back intoOnce Upon a Timefor a few hours, but my focus wavered off of it and onto Luke again, again, again.
…Boy, does it say something about what he’s done to me that he could so easily distract me from Emma Swan and Captain Hook.
My friends didn’t notice.They were zeroed in on the show until they both got sleepy and went to bed.
I wasn’t very sleepy then and I’m still not now.Even sunk into bed with my lamplight soft and low, my eyes haven’t felt heavy.Even with the Kyle encounter lifted from my mind and recorded in my incident log, I haven’t felt like it’s time to call it a day, too, and drift off into rest.
All I can think about is Luke because I’m finally free to do it.
And I’m free to talk to him again.It’s almost one in the morning, but he told me he wouldn’t mind if I called late.
He might not have meantthislate, though.
Just in case he didn’t, I text and ask if he’s still awake.
Not ten seconds later, my phone is vibrating with an incoming call and his name on the screen.
Funny how I’m eager to answer even though it kind of feels like my heart is lodged in my throat.
Indeed, my voice isn’t very substantial when I say, “Hi.”
He still hears it.“Hey.”His tone is low and measured, and I like the way it sounds.“How was your day?”
“It was good.My friends and I got a lot done.”
“I’m glad.”
My free fingers draw fidgety swirls next to me on the bed.“What aboutyourday?What’d you do?”
“Played video games with Pax.”
“Oh, great.”
“Yeah.”
