Page 59 of Dear, Carson McDermott
He shut his eyes, tight.
“Why won’t it stop playing over and over in my head? Why is he there?WHY DID HE DO THAT TO ME? TO MY SON!”He yelled and I knew everyone in the house heard him.
I heard footsteps as someone, or rather multiple people came down the stairs. I felt as someone pulled me back, it was Beau. But I wanted to go to Carson, I tried to get out of his arms, yet he wouldn’t relent. Carson continuously hit the sides of his head now with both hands. It was like he was trapped in a loop that he couldn’t get out of. His father slowly got closer to him,
“Son, Bubba…Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe.” He said to him and I just knew that’s how he used to soothe him as a child.
Unfortunately, this didn’t work because the moment his father touched his arm, Carson screamed.
“No!” He took steps back. “Don’ touch me. Don’ you dare touch me again! No! No!NO!”He backed up until his back met the wall. He slid down as he clutched his head in his hands.
I couldn’t do it, so I stomped hard on Beau’s foot and he groaned in pain as he let me go. I slipped by everyone who was trying to hold me back as I ran to Carson. I didn’t care if he hit me by mistake, he was hurting, and I didn’t know why.
I kneeled in front of him and I placed my hand on his knee. He flinched but he didn’t say or do anything. My hand trembled as it reached out lightly gripping his jaw. I made him look up at me, those beautiful amber eyes gazed into my brown ones.
“Carson, my Carson.” At first, I didn’t know what to say but then I remembered the words he said with Jude. “You’re okay, you’re not there anymore. You’re safe.”
“Darlin’,” he called my name as though he wasn’t sure if I was really here.
“Say it, you’re safe.”
He inhaled and exhaled,
“I’m safe. I’m not there anymore.” As he finished saying this, he pulled me into his arms. The fog had cleared.
He held me tight.
“He did to our son what he did to me. That sick fuckin’ pervert took my son’s innocence away. He got himself off in front of our child. What could possess a man to do that to a child? To repeat a cycle as if it was okay the first time, he did it? How could he do this to my son? To me?” He confessed.
I held him so tight shutting my eyes because my heart broke into a million pieces at what he just told me. When would I ever stop crying and finding out things? When would those demons leave us alone? I wasn’t sure about killing his mother myself but now, because she was a mother and she allowed it to happen not only to her son but her grandson, I was going to kill her myself. She was mine to kill.
“HE DID WHAT?” I heard Carson’s father shout in the background. “That’s it. Bear, bring him to me. Bring me his entire fuckin’ family. I will burn them all alive!ALL OF EM’!”
I kissed Carson’s cheek and whispered in his ear,
“I love you above all else. No matter what, you are and will always be safe with me. Our son is safe with us now. We will love and cherish him.”
I felt him nod.
“I’m safe, he’s safe and most of all, you’re safe. I will love you guys even more than I’ve ever loved you before. I promise to make them pay.”
“And I’ll be right there with you because we are a team. I love you, Bubba.”
“Carson…” He corrected. I felt as he smiled.
I smiled too.
“I love you, Carson McDermott. My first love.”
“I love you too, Katerina Di’Maggio-McDermott. My only love.”
****
Carson
A piss drunk Ricardo was picked up at the bar O’Dowd and here he was, delivered to me in one of my favorite killing spots. On the outside it was just a simple ranch, with a family living here but far in the field, there was a door in the ground built just for times like these. It led down to an underground torture chamber. This was where fucking perverted ass Ricardo found himself with me, my father, Stanislav, one of the underground fighters that I knew who were vicious, I mean passed the point of no return and Beau. Ricardo sat on a steel chair, kind of like the ones they used to use to strap patients to. I would’ve opted for a straitjacket too, but we didn’t have enough time. So, there we were, with him tied to a chair, my instruments or rather knives that I used to torture someone along with different chemicals right within reach.
I slapped Ricardo, once, twice,
