Page 58 of Dear, Carson McDermott
He held me tighter in his arms and I did too.
“Okay, mama.” He answered me.
I would never let go again.
****
I, unfortunately, couldn’t sleep, I watched my son sleep in my arms, not wanting to leave him alone but I had to check on Carson. I knew something was wrong when he couldn’t look at me in the eye. After I found him fully clothed and wet in the tub holding our son, I knew Jude told him something. Something that was making Carson close up. I kissed Jude’s forehead,
“I’ll be right back, baby,” I promised Jude.
I slowly went downstairs, making sure not to disturb everyone. My entire family and my father in law were all camped out in the living room, the other rooms and I passed by Cross and Beau who were sharpening their tools. As I walked towards the basement, I met up with Uncle Mike, he had opted out of the suit ensemble that he wore all the time as the don of the DiMaggio Mafia. His grandfather passed it down to him and he transitioned in the role pretty well. I gave him a weak smile, he cupped my face in his large hands,
“Are you okay, munchkin?”
I nodded.
“I think so,” I answered honestly. “I just wish this was all over. I just want to take my son home. That’s all.”
He planted a kiss on my forehead,
“It is over. If we’re all here, it only means one thing. It’s over.”
“You’re right. Thank you for being here. I love you.”
He smiled at me pulling me in for a hug.
“I’ll always love you more, munchkin.”
I absorbed his warmth as much as I could, but I knew I had to go find my husband.
“Have you seen, Bubba?” I asked.
We got out of our embrace. He nodded towards the basement.
“He’s down there. He’s been at the punching bag nonstop ever since he came downstairs. I mean, all the hours you spent upstairs with Jude when you were putting him to bed, he hasn’t stopped hitting the bag. Talk to him yeah? Tell him to rest so he can have a fresh mind.”
I sharply nodded.
I smiled at Uncle Mike as I made my way to the basement. When I got there, I was fascinated by all the weapons that Beau had in here. The collection was great, and this wasn’t just any basement. There was so much space in here, but I guess, it made sense since Beau’s house was huge enough for my family to be here as well. I turned towards the noise and I saw as a shirtless Carson continuously went at it with the punching bag. This wouldn’t be a problem if he had any boxing gloves on, but he wasn’t wearing any. The bandages that I used to treat his knuckles before were now bleeding. I slowly made my way to him; I couldn’t sneak up on him because I knew that he would react, and I really didn’t feel like being punched in the face.
“Bubba…” I called out to him, but he didn’t flinch at that. “Carson? Baby?” At this, he stopped punching the bag.
He turned my way and it was as though, he were stuck in some sort of haze. The faraway expression in his eyes wasn’t him. It reminded me of when I first met Auntie Kira, she had that same look whenever she thought no one was looking her way and she would zone out. It was an expression of such hurt, rage and other things mixed in there.
“Why?” Carson asked me.
I tilted my head, unable to understand what he was getting at.
“What happened, Bubba? You can tell me.”
He started advancing towards me and then he stopped, he shook his head.
“No, I can’t tell anybody. I can’t.” He said.
Carson shocked me as he began hitting the side of his head. I moved closer to him but froze because I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to call his dad or if I had to stay here.
“Carson, please stop. You’re hurting yourself.”
