Page 192 of The Casualty of Us
“Sorry.” Hayes gives me a grin that I think is supposed to be repentant, and I roll my eyes back to Ollie.
“So what happened?”
“It just all started to come out wrong, honestly.” He shakes his head. “The stuff about messing around with Bethany, and I think she kind of checked out after that.”
“Well.” I cringe. “That’s understand—”
“She told me to get out.” His face falls right past pieces with the statement, and he takes a deep breath. “That she wasn’t about to be some trashy little side slut to me and to forget it ever happened.”
“She was hurt,” I feel the need to point out again, because he was just plain stupid here. “Not your finest moment, big brother, I will say. Marley already worries a lot over the slut thing.” The helpless look on his face makes me sigh and add automatically. “But not entirely hopeless either. Let me think about it.”
“Thanks,” he exhales deeply, relief flashing over his face before something like self-loathing quickly follows it. “I’m just so pissed about it all.” The short burst of words comes out with a scowl before he adds, “I never touched Bethany again, I swear. I broke it off a couple of weeks later but nothing happened after that between us.”
“Okay.” I run my eyes over him, not liking the moroseness I can see still pulling at him, especially on Christmas and trying. “We all fuck up, Ollie, even me sometimes, believe it or not.” Shooting him a little grin with the admission as Hayes scoffs with obvious amusement before pushing softly. “So why are you so mad at yourself?”
“Because I fucked up, O,” he tosses back quietly. “Idid.” That self-loathing seems to be working itself into his voice too as he shakes his head. “I did. I fucked it up this summer with you and now with Marley and—I don’t know.” A sharp breath leaves him, and my heart trips as he truly falls apart. “I just feel like I can’t get anything fucking right these days besides tossing a ball around a field, which really doesn’t say much at the end of the day.”
“Ollie.” I push up out of Hayes’s lap immediately, his arm falling away along with the blanket as I shove the cake aside and go to my twin. Wrapping my arms around his neck without hesitation and feeling how his body seems to collapse in on itself as I squeeze tight. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Knowing that I have to figure out a way to help him here because he holds all the best parts of me within himself, and one of us can’t get the happily ever after without the other. It just wouldn’t be right.
His fresh laundry scent works its way up my nose, and he hugs me back just as tight as guilt fills me at not pushing this before now. “And we’re just fine, you hear me?” I pull back to reach down for his hand and wait until his matching eyes findmine to finish softly. “I love you, and nothing will ever change that.”
He finally cracks a smile at that. “Love you too, baby sister,” His hand squeezes mine. “Even sixty million years from now.”
“Dude,” Hayes grumbles, making me peek back to find that he moved the cake to his lap at some point and is currently taking a bite with a dip to his brows. “You’re stealing my lines.”
A short chuckle leaves Ollie at that, and I look back as he shakes his head, “Nah, man, they were mine first. Get your own.”
I laugh softly before giving Ollie’s hand one more squeeze and letting go to scoot my butt back across the floor. My body is still sore but doing considerably better after the hours of doting it received earlier at Hayes’s hands. He’d even followed up the little bath and nap routine by having a tea ready for me to drink before we came down. Tuning the guitar in bed with me by freaking ear all through it and making me frown at him while dozily waking up. Knowing that’s my next order of business to address.
“Oh, don’t worry.” Hayes pushes the cake back out of his lap before reaching to pull me up between his legs until I’m pressed up against his chest again. “I’m working on it.”
He presses a kiss to the top of my head next that has me losing the fight with a silly grin and Ollie giving a dramatic sigh. “How the fuck did you end up with your shit together?”
I point a toe at the champagne bottle. “Come on, it’s Christmas Eve, Ollie.” His eyes come back to mine as I plead, “Be merry with me.”
“All right.” One side of his mouth hitches up. “Only for the chance to listen to Flynn bitch about me hogging all your time though.”
A giggle bursts past my lips at that as Hayes moves quickly, grabbing one of the pillows from behind him and launching it at Ollie as I scream, “Watch the cake!”
The rest of the night passes in a haze of giggles and champagne before I start upThe Polar Expressa couple of hours later despite their weak protests. Ollie moves to spread out across the couch with the cake to himself as Hayes resituates our little nest of blankets and pillows up against it. Ending up with Ollie passing out about thirty minutes later with a now empty cake plate in his lap that almost slips down to land on me before Hayes catches it.
Another giggle leaves me as he shakes his head, setting it down next to us and turning back to the movie, but my eyes stay on Ollie for a beat. I note the tension still lingering on his face in sleep with a frown before dropping my gaze back down to find Hayes’s. “I don’t like seeing him so upset. So mad at himself.”
“Anger is shame’s best friend.” The quiet words carry an insight that surprises me with how true it is. “Trust me, I know,” he mutters, lifting a hand up to cup my cheek. “Give him time, he’ll come to terms with himself, and it’ll pass.”
And the show of depth has me quickly pressing my lips to his while whispering, “Promise?”
Something about him using his brain hot enough to have me wishing I was recovered enough for more…activities.
“Promise.” He laughs softly, brushing his lips across mine a few more times before the grandfather clock starts to strike midnight from the foyer. “Merry Christmas, Freckles.”
And something about it all makes my heart suddenly feel like it’s going to burst, leaving me no other option but to kiss him back hard before breathing out a little unevenly, “Merry Christmas, Dimples.”
Knowing when we both nod off another half hour later that this will be one that I always cherish just as much as both of them.
Chapter Forty-Five
