Page 144 of Savage Suit
Nodding, Quinn turned away and folded her arms. “I love you so much, Ryan. You’re my best friend. You stepped up for Logan and me when you didn’t have to. You could’ve gone on with your life, like Armani and Dakota.”
“Quinn, I did nothing more than any sister would do. Families stick together, want the best for one another, and help each other out in whatever way needed. It’s an unwritten obligation.”
“Really?” Quinn stood, hurt and anger in her eyes. “Maybe Daddy didn’t get that memo? The same one Armani missed.”
I got to my feet and hesitated to reach for my sister for the first time in memory. “He wasn’t a saint, but Daddy’s gone, so let him rest in peace. I’m sure if he hadn’t been killed—”
“He wasn’t,” she snarled. “He killed Mama. He fucked himself up and took her from us.”
“Quinn—”
“No, fuck off, Ryan. You can’t ever say ‘thank you’, when I tell you how much what you did for us means to me. Nor do you ever make it personal. It’s never I did what I did because I love you and couldn’t imagine my life without you. Everything…every blessed fucking thing with you is about duty and responsibility. What happens if I move away or marry?Die?What then? What’ll you do with your stinking, miserable obligation?”
It was rare I lost my temper with any of my siblings. They pissed me off on the regular, but the fury coursing through me at Quinn’s words was a singular event I don’t remember ever experiencing.
She was distraught and emotional, yet I was, too, and slapped her so hard across her face her head snapped back, the loud sound reverberating in the room. We stared at each other, each as shocked as the other at how far out of hand the situation descended.
She started past me.
“Quinn,” I said in a shaky voice. I couldn’t allow her to leave with so much anger between us. Tragedies happened so quickly. Sometimes before arguments were rectified. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my hand to you.”
My cheek stung in phantom memory, as if my hit had been today, too.
Offhandedly, I rubbed the place, inconsequential by the end of that horrible day.
“I didn’t mean my words to offend you. And, maybe, I can never make you understand why my behavior with a stranger is so horrifying to me. Hell, maybe I don’t understand it myself.” Except I did. Frowning, I dropped my hand to my side. “You’re adamant in believing the worst of Daddy when Armani denies it. The past several weeks have been extraordinarily stressful. Perhaps, your speculation seems like a confession. In your own way, you’re revealing you knew the truth, but chose to lie.”
My fingers skimmed through my hair. Since I received no response, I glanced in the door’s direction to make sure I wasn’t alone.
She remained, angry and hostile.
“It’s crazy,” I said with a sigh. “My virtue has always been so important to me.Mine,” I stressed. “It takes three or four weeks of dating before I even kiss a man. Graduating to sex takes another three or four months. I’m twenty-six-years-old and have only had three serious relationships.” Four if I counted the ill-fated one discovered on the day of my parents’ car crash. “Can’t you understand the disappointment in myself that I didn’t even get Noah’s name before I fucked him? Do you have any idea how shameful that is to me?”
“No,” she said without flinching, yet comprehension seemed to dawn on her. Her look gentled. “You aren’t shameful. You’re a beautiful woman with desires and you do yourself a disservice by not seizing every moment.”
“Carpe diem,” I said with a small, sad smile. To lighten the moment, I changed the subject. “Did you tell me you found your key?”
“I did, but in my rush to get over here, I left it on my dresser. It ruined my grand entrance.”
“The one where you barge into my house unannounced, no matter the time?”
“Exactly.”
“Girl, one day you’re going to open my door and walk in on action you’d prefer not to see.”
She nodded, a perfunctory gesture, already abandoning our levity. “As much as you want to see me happy, I want no less for you, Ryan.”
“I know.”
“We both are aware of how short life is. Instead of freaking out over what was, think about what can be. Whether it’s a month, a year, or a hundred years, if you want Noah Keegan, take however long you have with him and be happy. Do you. No one will judge you and the two people who would have, are dead because of their own demons. They would’ve been better off apart. Instead, they stayed together.”
“Mama was getting better,” I reminded Quinn. “Then she found out Daddy hadn’t made it and she lost her will to survive.”
“Then shame on her,” Quinn said flatly. “We were there. She had us. Her children who didn’t ask to be born. He was dead? So sorry. Fight to survive to be a mother.”
Ways to address her bitterness ran through my head, but nothing seemed right, so I just stated the obvious. “When you thought they both died from the accident, you were so much kinder in your words and thoughts toward them.”
“It wasn’t an accident, Ryan. He took her out that day, aware of his intentions. How should I feel?”
