Page 145 of Savage Suit
“That he was troubled and not in his right mind. That he never would’ve left us so broken if he hadn’t felt his way was the only way.”
“Uh, no, you’re fucking right it wasn’t the only way. He was unhappy and wanted to check out? Peace out, bro. Fuck yourself up and leave an innocent woman alive.”
“Quinn—”
“Don’t. I know my words are harsh and my thoughts are cold, but what were his? He knew Armani. He’d lived with that heifer until she married Timothe. He left us at the mercy of those two. What about me? Begging to go with them as usual. Did he not wonder how his actions would affect me? How I will live the rest of my life wondering if there was anything I could’ve said or done to change his mind and save them.”
“Baby—”
“And what of you? Goddamn, but I’ve been so fucking stupid. When you spoke of the disappointment in yourself and your shame, the pieces clicked into place. They found out you’d gone to a Title X clinic and gotten on the pill.”
“Title X has nothing to do with my feelings—”
“Without it, you wouldn’t have had sex when you did, and Mama and Daddy wouldn’t have found out and crucified you and called you every horrendous name they could think to hurl at you.Hewouldn’t have called you a worthless slut andshewouldn’t have slapped the shit out of you.”
I gasped. “You were in your room.”
“No, I was in the bathroom but heard your crying, so I took a detour.” She released a frustrated breath. “It doesn’t matter what I say to you. Shit like that isn’t easy to overcome, especially when they left angry at you and never came home.”
“I made peace a long time ago,” I said briskly, tossing my hair over my shoulder. “They were angry with me because I’d disappointed them. It didn’t mean they didn’t love me. Of course, I wish our parting had been kinder. It didn’t happen. That’s life.”
Quinn bowed her head for a moment. When she looked at me again, fresh tears shone in her eyes. She rubbed the cheek I’d struck and attempted a smile. “I’d forgotten what an expert you are at slapping the shit out of people.”
“I’ve never hit your face!”
Her smile was more genuine. “You haven’t, but you spanked me and Logan a time or two. I can’t understand why you didn’t slap a bitch before, during, or after that press conference.”
“I was just so disappointed at the disillusion of my first day. First, Mrs. Mikes, then some executives. Then Billy. Then Megan. It just went on and on and on.”
“You made it through,” she said quietly. “Stop trying to live up to the standards of people who didn’t care enough to be around for us. You’ll be happier. To me, you’re perfect just as you are. I’ll see you at Armani’s.”
She blew me a kiss, turned on her heel, and hurried out the door, closing it softly behind her.
It took me a few minutes of staring at the place she’d stood before I returned to the desk in my bedroom.
My showdown with Quinn lifted a weight off my shoulders. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have ignored her. We’d needed this conversation. My past hurts and traumas were inconsequential, dealt with long ago. Had they shaped my perspective on sex? Of course. My prudishness undoubtedly fired Quinn’s rebellion and turned her into my complete opposite. Yet, that long-ago humiliation of being called a whore and a slut and a few other names would return to that place inside me where I buried most of my pain. It was inconsequential anyway. Armani had been praised for ratting me out, and I’d been condemned for acting on puppy love.
So what?
Scooping up my calligraphy pen and opening my notebook, I flipped to an empty page and began writing.
Another hobby I’d neglected was calligraphy. Writing pretty words worked wonders for my mental state. Sometimes, it helped more than yoga.
It being Saturday gave me two days away from Noah to reflect on the situation. And, hell, maybe tonight, I’d seek everyone else’s opinion on what I should do. It had been ages since I’d gone to Armani or Dakota for anything. Logan was now an adult too, living on his own. Perhaps I should give them a chance, open up and receive much-needed advice on how to deal with my emotions right now.
Different scenarios ran through my head as I imagined their reactions to what I needed to say.
Okay. Scratch talking to them.
Other than Quinn, my family wouldn’t offer support for my predicament. They’d reprimand me. Never mind, at thirty-one, Dakota was unmarried with a baby mama, and Logan was a certified man whore. They didn’t take issue with them. In the minds of my brothers and older sister, Quinn and I should’ve followed Armani’s example, settled down and started a family by now, instead of involving ourselves in myriad illicit affairs. Well, Quinn. Outside of losing my virginity, I conducted my life, especially romance, with my head. My family wouldn’t give me credit for that, though.
More than once, I cussed their asses out for berating Quinn.
Perhaps their hypocrisy and chauvinism allowed me to forgive Noah when the exposé had first come out. From an early age, I’d been groomed to ignore outdated mindsets.
My notebook page ran out of space. I’d been blindly scrawling words. Before turning to the next empty page, I glanced down, and my mouth dropped open.
Holy shit.
