Page 143 of Savage Suit
“No, Ryan, you’ve got it wrong,” she said, her voice breaking. “I didn’t know until after we came to get you what he’d done. I never would’ve agreed to it had I known, and I wouldn’t have left you alone.”
She sounded so convincing and looked so distraught. My heart ache and my head hurt.
“You’re blowing this so out of proportion.” Her small, watery voice made me feel like the biggest bitch alive. “Even if it played out the way you imagined, you would still exaggerate a minor issue. One night out of many in your life, you would’ve let your guard down and allowed the moment to guide you. A place in time where there was no me, no obligations, no second-guessing and wondering if whatyou’redoing is setting a terrible example for me. It would be you and stealing a small bit of happiness—”
“How the hell is that happiness if I can’t decipher fact from fiction? According to you, everything had been just a dream.”
She met my gaze. The pain darkening her hazel eyes hurt me. “I thought it was.”
“I smelled of soap, Quinn. Soap! I was too shocked by my discovery to ask Noah if we showered together. That would be the only explanation, other than you helping me to clean up.”
“I don’t know why—”
“My panties were gone—”
“You’ve told me—”
“My pussy was sore!” I snapped.
Quinn leaned over and threw her arms around me, sobbing almost as hard as the day Mama died. “Please, Ryan. Please. I’m begging you to believe me. I would never do anything to lose you. Long ago, you warned me to never lie to you. And I know how much you judge my promiscuity and wouldn’t want to be that way—”
Pushing away from her, I took her face between my hands. “Quinn, baby, listen to me. I’m no judge, jury, and executioner. Neither am I particularly religious. If I were, I’d remind you I don’t have to stand and answer for whatever your sins may be. Only you can. Neither am I the Second Coming, here to give my life for your transgressions. Do I wish you’d find one good man to have a relationship? Yes! I only want the best for you.”
Quinn straightened and turned away from me. “Who’s lying now? Youdojudge me. It’s traumatizing to you to think you acted in a way you believe inappropriate.”
“That isn’t true!” I said hotly.
“If it isn’t, then what’s the reason? I’ve been trying to figure out why you repeatedly questioned me when I gave you the same answer each time. My explanation never once veered and, yet you refused to believe me. Your low opinion of me might be buried in your subconscious, but it’s there, Ryan.”
“I’m proud of you, Quinn. More than you’ll ever know. Sometimes, I wish I could be as free and fun loving as you. Yet, all I can think of is what Mama would do. How she would act. React. Comport herself. What she would expect me to teach you and what example she’d want me to set.”
“Newsflash: you aren’t Mama.”
At Quinn’s harsh words, I flinched.
“I don’t mean you aren’tmymother, even if that’s a fact. I mean, you and she are two different women. You stepped in when we lost her, but you can’t measure yourself by her. She married straight out of high school and stayed in a marriage I no longer believe was happy. What example didsheset, Ryan?”
“Mama still expected us to act a certain way. Daddy, too.”
“Yeah, well, Armani was her clone. She could’ve left us in peace.”
Lowering my gaze, I stared at my hands resting in my lap. “These are philosophical circumstances way too heavy for me at the moment.”
“Reid called me last night,” Quinn said, breaking an uncomfortable silence, rare between us.
She and I always found topics to discuss or debate. Such heaviness never clouded the air during the rare times we didn’t.
“He said you barely spoke to him or Noah at a meeting between the three of you on Thursday.”
“We had to discuss legalities for the upcoming meeting at Amage. I focused my mind on work.”
“You’ve slept with Noah since the masquerade ball.”
“Yes.”
“What’s the big deal?” Her tone was as bewildered as her look.
“I can’t explain it.” Unable to meet her eyes, I averted my gaze. I cleared my throat. “No matter how you feel, I know Mama and Daddy would expect so much more from me.”
