Page 24 of All That Has Flown Beyond
Kaiyo was sitting on the couch. There was food on his plate, on his fork, in his mouth. The world had been gaining focus. Slowly, some of the rust had fallen off.
“I made the appointment. It’s this Friday, okay?” His mom was talking to him about therapy. The words were like waves against a rock façade. Kaiyo let them hit him.
“Okay,” he said to shut her up. There was no way he was going to therapy.
He just wanted to sleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
The psychologist’s name was Claudia Naranjo. She knew about Ousía and all related phenomena. Kaiyo sat on the chair she indicated and didn’t look at her. She had placed them so that they were facing each other at an indirect angle, a table to his right, reachable but without dividing them.
Claudia droned on about the therapy. Kaiyo thought about Charlie Brown’s teacher and had the disconcerting urge to smile.
Kaiyo just nodded along until she started asking him questions. About eating, sleeping, showering.
“Have you thought about ending your life?”
“No,” Kaiyo replied, staring at the wall. He stepped away from the conversation. It was just two floating voices blaring nonsensically at each other.
There was a moment of silence.
“Do you want to be here, in therapy?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“What’s the point?”
“Well, I guess people usually come to therapy when they want to change something in their lives that’s difficult to change alone. Is there something in your life you would like to change but feel you might need some help with?”
“I don’t care about my life or how I feel.”
“Why not?”
“Because what’s the point? What am I supposed to care about? Finishing college and getting a job and paying my taxes and then dying?”
“Is that all there is to life?”
“Well, what else is there?”
“I can’t answer that for you, I’m afraid. What more there is to my life might not be the same as yours,” Claudia said. Kaiyo shrugged. “Can you remember a time when there was more to life?”
“Doesn’t matter what I remember. I don’t have that anymore.”
“What was it?”
“Pack. Land.”
“Why was that worth having?”
Kaiyo’s narrowed eyes darted towards her. His tongue was starting to feel thick in his mouth. “You know why. You belong to a pack.”
“Yes, but my reasons for finding that meaningful might not be the same as yours. I want you to have a voice here. It’s important I respect your perspective on the situation,” Claudia said. Her voice was calm, almost casual. Kaiyo rolled his eyes.
“Because. It gives you…you just belong. You’re not alone. Not fucking useless and alone.” There were tears in his eyes. He tilted his head away like a child who thought they wouldn’t be seen if they covered their eyes.
A whispering sound drew his attention to the corner of the table beside Claudia and him. He yanked some of the tissues out of the box next to his elbow and turned away again.
