Page 58 of The Poster Boy
“It’s no trouble.”
“Really, Boone. It’s okay.”
He nodded. I saw him glance into the rearview mirror, clearly communicating something with Jay. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good because Boone shook his head and went back to driving.
The silence in the car was thick and awkward. We had a game tomorrow night that we had to be ready for. Well, they did. Church was the starting goalie tomorrow. Our awkwardness had to be resolved before we were on the icetogether. The only problem was that I didn’t see a way out of this.
We arrived back at their condo, and Boone pulled into his parking space. “I’m going to head down the street for a drink. I’ll be back in an hour. While I’m gone, you two can either fuck this out or fight this out. Take my bag upstairs with you, please.”
Before Jay or I could protest, Boone was out of the car and walking away.
“Marek,” Jay started to say. But the minute I heard his voice, I hit my seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He scrambled after me, meeting me around the back of the Jeep.
“Marek, wait.”
“It’s been a long few days, Jay. I’m tired, and I want to go home.” I tried to open the back of the Jeep, but Jay pushed the hatch shut again.
“Marek, look at me.”
“Let me leave, Jay.”
“Marek, please.” His voice sounded tortured. Wounded. I’d battered myself against the rocks waiting for his affection, and yet he was the one who sounded bruised. Anger flared in me and I met his gaze.
“Why, Jay? You were fine to not look at me the whole time we were at Boone’s place. You made an art of avoiding me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but I’m not?—”
“Yeah, I know. You’re not out. I get it. If your closet got any deeper, you’d be in fucking Narnia. But forgive me if I don’t understand why you couldn’t have at least treated me like I might have been even the tiniest bit important to you. I didn’t expect a lot, Jay, but you managed to let me down anyway.”
“You’re not being fair.”
“Fuck fair. And fuck you while I’m at it. Let me get my shit, Brookbank.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.” Jay’s voice echoed in the parking garage, bouncing off the concrete and reverberating in the empty space. A lot of people had fled the city for the holidays and had yet to return.
“You know I’m not out.” Jay dropped his voice, hissing at me through his clenched teeth. “You know that, Myers.”
“Boone knows and I think his mom knows too.”
“His family doesn’t.”
I shrugged. “Do you really think they would have a problem with you being gay? Hell, it’s not even about that. Because you could have stayed in your closet and still not treated me like a fucking leper. But you didn’t.”
Jay looked like I punched him right in the feelings. Good.
“Let me get my shit, Jay. I want to go home.”
“Marek…”
“Now, Jay.”
Before I knew what was happening, Jay spun me and pinned me against the back of the Jeep. He took my face in his hands and slanted his mouth over mine. The kiss was an apology. Desperation. Anger. It tasted like sadness and regret. It felt like home. Like a home I was only allowed to visit when he decided he wanted me there.
I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back. I got a first time with him, and dammit if there was going to be a last time, I wanted to know it was the last time so I could remember it too. So I could catalog every kiss and touch, every needy sound, and store it away in my heart. I wanted to have a memory to play on loop in my mind of the last time I let myself love him.
“Upstairs.” I panted when I broke the kiss. “Or in the Jeep, but not in the open like this.”
Jay wasted no time ushering me into the back of the Jeep. I laid across the back seat, stretching out the width of the vehicle in hopes of giving us more room. Jay crowded me, pinning me there with his body. His hands tore at my pants, just as desperate as the way he kissed me.
