Page 57 of The Poster Boy
“What about Jay?” Boone asked. Sometimes he acted like a sulky teenager.
“Jay’s already awake.” Diane bent over and rummaged in the cupboard, pulling out a mixing bowl, a griddle, and other pancake-making supplies.
“I meant why doesn’t he have to do anything.” Boone drank half his coffee in one long gulp then stood. “I’ll take the upstairs, Jay can go wake sleeping beauty in the basement.”
He clapped me on the back and slipped out of the kitchen.
I knew what Boone was doing, but I wasn’t sure I wanted him to do it. The more time I had alone with Marek, the harder it was to act normal around him when there were people watching. It had taken all my strength at some points throughout the day yesterday to not stare at him all the time. I’d settled for a lot of stolen glances, and looking at him in my peripheral vision.
Unable to resist a moment alone with him, maybe the only one we’d get all day, I headed downstairs. I crept intothe bedroom to find Marek in bed. He was clearly not asleep anymore, even though he kept his eyes shut.
Tiptoeing over to the bed, I dragged the covers down, exposing him. God, he was a beautifully built man. His back was a work of art. All lean muscle, still soft from sleep. The urge to crawl back into bed with him struck me, but I resisted. Instead, I trailed my hand down his warm skin.
“Merry Christmas.”
Marek popped an eye open and stared up at me. “Coffee?”
“Upstairs. Diane is spiking hers.”
He smirked. “Even better.”
God, I wanted nothing more than to curl up with Marek and pretend that this could last. That I wasn’t terrified of the idea of being out. That I wasn’t the world’s hugest chicken. And if I thought I mattered more to him, the temptation might have been harder to ignore. Marek and I were friends. Teammates. Temporary lovers. Nothing more.
I left before I could do something stupid like kiss him. Or crawl on top of him and eat him for breakfast. Both options appealed to me more than I wanted to admit, and for that reason alone, I hightailed it back upstairs where the Weimer clan was slowly starting to appear.
Boone gave me a quizzical look from across the table, but I shook my head, indicating that I didn’t want to talk about it. The rest of the morning was busy with breakfast and the traditional stockings. The Weimers loved stocking stuffers. Watching Marek soak in the whole thing was the highlight of my day, though. He seemed surprised to be included at the level he was. He had a stocking on the mantel with everyone else, and he even had gifts underthe tree.
I saw the sappy way he looked at Diane and Howard. His longing was so great that I could feel it in my own chest whenever he lit up at the next little bit of inclusion. I knew he was missing his sister, and he had a broken relationship with his parents, but it became crystal clear how badly Marek needed a family. He flourished under the attention, sparkling in a way I hadn’t seen him.
Our eyes met a few times, and each time they did, he’d smile at me. Soft and sweet, almost shy. We were a secret that I wanted to keep, and I could tell Marek didn’t. He might have agreed to it for my sake, but he deserved someone who could love him in broad daylight. Who didn’t have to sneak around and keep secrets from everyone just to be with him.
The fact of the matter was that I wasn’t good enough for someone like Marek.
Chapter 27
Marek
Christmas with the Weimers was equal parts great and terrible. Great, because at least I wasn’t alone. Terrible, because I might as well have been alone. Jay could barely look at me the whole time we were there. Logically, I knew it was because he wasn’t out. Jay’s closet had glass doors, though, if anyone bothered to look close enough.
Some dumb part of me had hoped that I meant more to him than I clearly did. It became obvious the way he stayed up late to avoid going to bed at the same time as me every night. The way he snuck out of bed in the morning before I was awake. It had been a waste of sharing a bed. I might as well have been sleeping on a different planet.
The one saving grace of the whole trip was Diane. Being fussed over by Boone’s mom healed parts of me that I’d forgotten were broken. Even when my parents still claimed me as their child, they never did so with any kind of pride. And certainly not any warmth.
Diane treated Jay and me like we were her own. I lefttheir house with Diane’s number in my phone and a crushing hug from Howard that I could still feel hours later.
The drive back had been quiet as hell. The minute we’d left, I stuck my earbuds in and feigned sleep. Leaning against the side window, I pretended that everything was okay. That I wasn’t practically sick from how much I’d overblown my importance to Jay.
We’d only known each other for a couple of months. And we’d only been messing around for half of that. Of course Jay didn’t care about me. Not the way I cared about him. Jay was the first person I thought of in the morning, and the last person I thought of before I went to sleep. Yeah, I was falling head over heels for the guy. Yeah, it was fast. And apparently it was stupid, because Jay obviously didn’t feel the same way about me.
As we neared our destination, I pulled my earbuds out and sat up. Boone glanced at me, then looked back at the road.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”
He clearly didn’t believe that I’d been asleep.
“Where am I dropping you?”
“I can get home fine from your place.”
