Page 59 of The Poster Boy
He freed my cock and then managed somehow to wriggle down far enough to take it in his mouth. When he wrapped his mouth around me, I sat up with a gasp. My hands went to him automatically. Threading my fingers through his hair, I clutched him like we had forever. Like time could stop and give me this imperfect man for longer than I was supposed to have him.
Jay’s mouth was a weapon set on destroying me. His hands kept me pinned to the seat, as if I had anywhere to go—or wanted to as long as he was trying to suck my soul out through my dick.
His hands skimmed under my shirt and up my chest. Nimble fingers teased my nipples, sending sparks flying in my vision as my cock twitched in his mouth. I was already close but had no desire for it to be over yet. I wasn’t done saying goodbye.
When I tugged him off me, he got the idea and returned to my mouth. I wound an arm around his neck, keeping him where I wanted him as I reached down between us and fumbled with his pants until Jay got the hint and did it himself, freeing his erection.
Pulling back just long enough to spit in his hand, Jay kissed me again. Maybe he knew this was it, the same way I knew it. Maybe he was also committing me to his memory. I liked to believe I was at least important enough to him for that.
His grip was rough and perfect. I liked the way it hurt just a little, just enough to remind me that I didn’t get to keep good things. I whimpered at that thought, and Jay mistook it for a different kind of pain. He loosened his grip on our cocks just a little, so the bite of pain was gone.
“You okay?” He panted the question against my lips between kisses.
No.
“Yeah.” Reaching between us, I wrapped my hand around his. I slid my other hand into his hair. I kept him captive like that, kissing my way into his mouth, his fucking soul if I could. Jay thrust his hips, sliding his cock against mine in the channel we made with our hands, precum and some spit the only thing smoothing the way for us. It was uncomfortable, but perfect, because in those few moments where Jay was lost in me, it felt like I really had him. Like I had him in a way I’d never had him before.
Jay came with my name tumbling from his lips, and I hated him in that moment for ever giving me hope that we could be something. And I hated myself for believing the lies I told myself, that any of this was his fault. He’d been clear about the rules from the start. I was the idiot who’d gone and tried to change them halfway through the game.
He jerked me with his cum, sticky and hot and too fucking good on my skin. I breathed him in, going dizzy from my own lack of oxygen as I bucked underneath him, coating his fingers with cum.
When we were both spent, he collapsed on me, resting his forehead against mine. I kept my eyes closed as I caught my breath. I didn’t know if I could look at him and still walk away.
Jay kissed the corner of my mouth, then sat up and letout a gruff laugh. “Should have thought about the cleanup before we did that.”
I opened my eyes in time to see him pull his hoodie off and use it to wipe up the mess we made of us. Of me. He gently dabbed the cum off my skin and my shirt before using it to wipe his hands.
He tucked himself away and grimaced as he shifted around in the cramped space. I managed to crawl out from under him and shove my dick back in my pants.
“Are you coming up?” Jay asked as if we hadn’t just fought our way into Boone’s back seat. As if every kiss and touch we’d just shared hadn’t screamed goodbye.
“That’s not a good idea, Jay.” Wiping a hand down my face, I reached for the door and hopped out of the Jeep. Before he could stop me, I was around the back and grabbing my bag.
Jay blocked my path with his broad shoulders. His gaze was intense, his expression troubled. “Marek?”
“We’re not a good idea, Jay. We knew that from the beginning.”
He reached for me, but I dodged and stepped around him, heading for the street.
“Marek, wait.”
I turned to face him. “We’re fine, Jay. Friends. Teammates. We don’t need to be more. I was forced to come out, and I’d never want someone to come out the way I did. But I at least want someone who won’t make me feel invisible.”
“Marek…”
“See you at practice.” Through some miracle I kept my voice even and steady. Almost indifferent.
“Marek!” Jay shouted after me but didn’t follow.
And that told me all I needed to know.
Chapter 28
Jay
I’d done it to myself. But being fully aware that it was my fault Marek wasn’t speaking to me didn’t make me feel any better. Self-awareness was a real bitch sometimes.
But as much as it sucked, I tried to tell myself that this was a good thing. That I could go back to focusing on the game, on making it to a nice old age of thirty-seven before I hung up my skates. Then I could worry about things like love and—fuck.
